With Chores, Comes REWARD….

The first full week after a LONG holiday and there is only one word to describe this week..”EXHAUSTED”!  As we tumbled through the weekend, which consisted of play dates, a visit with their father, and pool time; I found that none of the weekly house cleaning chores were getting accomplished.  For every uneventful moment that I had, I decided to spend it sitting on the sofa or relaxing on my deck.   Before I knew it, Monday was upon us and the house was a mess!

So here it was Monday night and I am sitting on the sofa (again) and scanning the room just to see “toys”, “socks”, “shoes”, and....the dreadful “dust bunnies”.  How is a single mom to handle all of this?  I felt completely “exhausted” just looking at the tornado affect! Then I came up with a plan….

Why not make a list of “chores” for the kids to do.  After all, they are home for the summer AND they are old enough to take on the task.  Why not remove the video games, computers, and couch potato activities..and get them cracking at CLEANING!

First, I sat down with my daughter…  What can she do to help around the house?  Make her bed…  Wash dishes… Sweep the floor…. Dust…. Feed the animals…  Before I knew it, her list was on the refrigerator and she was off and “cleaning”. 

Second, the more challenging of the two…my son!  He looked at me and said “Really?”.  We struggled through his list…Gather laundry… Make the beds… Mop the floor… Vacuum the first floor..  Grudgingly, his list was up and ready for action!

Now, here is the funny part.  I get up in the morning to find that my daughter is already fast at work on her list.  I look and the “check marks” are going fast and furious.  Her goal…She wants an Ipad (that is gonna take awhile).  My son on the other hand is sitting on the sofa watching television while playing his DSi.  I look at his list and see that he has successfully completed his tasks for the day.

I do my walk around to confirm and all looks good!  I take a moment to look back at him and wonder why he doesn’t look as exhausted as my daughter.  I then begin the “interrogation” (as my son would call it) I am quickly reminded that my son is always “one step ahead of me”.  YUP, he off loaded his duties to his little sister!

As I began to question him as to why, he quickly answered “She really wants an Ipad and I really don’t want to do chores”.  So there you have it….  And my lesson learned?   My son values his “time” and my daughter values her “money”.

So in Keeping it REAL, make your children part of the “family”!  Yes, I am pushing the idea of “making a list with REWARDS”.  It is important that ALL children understand the responsibilities of having a home and pets… It is important that they participate and stay involved in the activities of daily life.   And as a single mother, I might soon find myself sitting on my sofa and looking around….  Looking around at a clean house completed by the adorable and loving hands of my favorite little people!

Alone time...Really???

Today has been one of those busy days at work.  I had just accepted that I would not have the time to “blog” and my thoughts would be focused on work and what I am going to do tonight.  However, as I was washing off my yummy cherries for lunch, I happened to overhear a conversation and felt the need to “write out my thoughts”.  

Normally, I don’t listen to the chatter that goes on in the break room, but today…I caught a few words and couldn’t help but listen and get a little agitated.  I only heard the tail end of the conversation, but I can only assume the man (let’s call him Mr. selfish), was referring to a relationship.  He was saying there is no way that I would commit.  I like my alone time and don’t want to share anything.  Then he said those words “I can barely handle the time that my son is there much less anyone else”.  I stopped in my tracks of washing my yummy cherries and just gave “the look”.  You know the look that you give your child that says “straighten up or there will be consequences”. YUP, I gave him that look!  However, he didn’t stop there.  He began to talk of “if I won the lottery, I wouldn’t want to share….”.  At this point, I had to walk away…

Now, my thoughts on this….  As a single mother, I MIGHT get one night a month to myself.  If I am lucky, I might get a dinner out with a friend or just “alone” time at home.  I have had many struggles with people wishing that I had more “free” time or wishing that I could “go out”.  Yes, I am human and have moments of feeling sorry for myself.  HOWEVER, I chose to be a mom and I chose to take on the job knowing that I may have to do it alone.  I accepted the challenge and love every minute of it!

So why did this make me so angry?  I feel sorry for the child that is a burden to someone’s “alone” time. I feel sorry for the woman who is spending her time with a man that just wants to be alone.  Most importantly, I feel sorry for the man that his life is so shallow that he prefers being alone versus the company of a child full of laughter and life. 

So in Keeping it REAL, take a moment to appreciate your “together” time.  Take a moment to laugh with your child or cut-up with a friend.  There will come a day when you have no choice but be “alone” and in those moments, you will wish you spent your time differently! Time spent in the “backyard” is meant to be time spent with others….Can’t wait to go home, hug my babies, and chat with my friends!!!!

Mom of Many......

Yesterday was filled with many emotions over the Casey Anthony trial.  As did many, I watched the case unfold over the last 3 years and found myself constantly reflecting back to the picture of little “Caylee”.  I found myself wondering what really happened and saddened by the possible pain she may have endured at the time.  I wonder could/did her mother really do this horrible crime and what makes a person lose their “mother” instinct. 

 

When I talk of mother “instinct”, it is much more than just knowing how to perform basic care.  It is that moment that you see your child for the first time and you realize that you would “die” for them.  That you would go to any means to “protect” them.  The moment that you realize that your ONLY goal in life is to provide a safe, healthy, loving environment and you spend your life focusing on that “goal”.

What happens when that “feeling” is not there?  What happens when a “mother” becomes jealous, withdrawn, and inconvenienced by the task of being a mother?  Is this what happened to Casey or is her story really true?  I guess we will never know but the verdict is in…and she was found “not guilty” of any harm to her daughter.

I definitely sat and thought about this one yesterday.  I thought of Caylee.  I thought of the short life that she lived. I thought of the fear she may have felt in those last minutes of her life.  I thought of the life that her mother should have fought to provide to her.  I looked into those big beautiful eyes and wished that she could have been saved… 

As I talked through my feelings at work, many made comments such as:

                “why is everyone so concerned about this case”

                “It doesn’t matter if she did it, there wasn’t enough evidence”

                “you didn’t know her, why do you care”

I sat and listened to everyone’s thoughts and some lack of concern.  I even found I was asking myself “why am I so stuck on this”.  At that moment, I realized why…  I realized that I am a “mother”. I am a “mother” that lives my life each day hoping to provide a good life for my children.  I am a “mother”, who struggles with doing the right thing and learning from the wrong.  When I look at “Caylee’s picture”, I become the mother that would have fought to keep her alive.  I become the “mother” that would have spent time with my child versus “hitting the club scene”. I become the mother that she deserved.  I am not saying a “perfect” mother, but a mother full of love and compassion to see her thrive until she became a woman.  

So in Keeping it REAL, I realize that we cannot change Caylee’s destiny, but we can learn from it.  We must all remember as “mothers”, our role goes much deeper than our immediate family.  We must take on the role of “mother” to all.  If you see a child in need of a hug, give them one.  If you see a child in need of guidance, provide it.  If you see a child in need of help, offer it.  Most importantly, if you see a “mother” struggling in their role of “mom”, don’t walk away…HELP THEM!  You might be able to make a difference and change/save a life forever!  

Independence......

This weekend was an “off and running” kind of weekend.  The kids enjoyed lots of activities and I am totally exhausted.  Just to give you an idea of the “single mom” activities, I thought I would first share our weekend time line:

Friday:

10AM – 12N: Conference call for work

12N-3PM: Visit with their father

3PM: Sleep over

Saturday:

9AM-11AM: Clean House/Laundry

11AM-12N: Pick up kids from sleep over

2PM-3PM: Return feline friend from week of dog sitting

4PM-7PM: Friends over for food, swimming, and pool time

7PM-8PM: Fireworks (this was all me)

8PM-10PM: Still playtime with friends

Sunday:

10AM-11AM: Visit with their father

11AM-12AM: Shopping for a gift/groceries

12:30-1PM: Pit stop at house to wrap gift and put away groceries

2PM-4PM: Birthday party and hair cut

5PM-6PM: Pit stop at house

6PM-8PM: Movie Theater for Cars 2 and Ice Cream at Maggie Moo’s

8PM-11PM:  Friends and play time

This exhausting but fun list of activities finally landed us on Monday the 4^th of July.  We spent the majority of the day swimming in the pool and relaxing.  It was a well needed rest for all three of us!  As I floated on the “lazy river” (developed by my daughter as she made laps around the pool), we began to giggle and chat about the people that we spent time with.  It was a great weekend from lighting fireworks to organizing friend and family time…  I saw the excitement on her face as she talked of the birthday party and her brother’s new haircut.  Her eyes got bigger as we laughed about the dud firecracker and how I tried to light three at one time.  She just kept talking and talking about the weekend and I loved every minute of the sound of her voice.   This is the moment that you realize…it is WORTH IT!

So in Keeping it REAL, I am officially “Independent” and feel good about the life that we have built in the last year.  Today’s celebration was about more than just the country’s independence, it was about the independence of a “single” mom.  It is about the “freedom” to go to the movies or light a firecracker.  It is about the “freedom” to be ME!  Happy 4^th to all Single Mothers…today should be your day to shout out….. I DID IT!  I am a successful “Independent”.

The STRUGGLE.....

I often find myself having to work hard to prove my capabilities, whether in work, parenting, or even just in being a friend. I also think to myself “does everyone else have to work this hard?”.  Today is a day that I am pondering my personality and what makes me the “worker on a mission that goes nowhere”.

Why am I thinking about this today?  I guess it was the long day at work and the struggle to watch others get ahead without any other action but “talk”.   I was always brought up to work hard and you will benefit from your dedication, commitment, and drive.  However, it seems like that is not always the case.

In my previous job, there were obstacles and challenges throughout the job.  I was constantly struggling to keep my head up and the business going with minimal “worker bees”.  I remember even making phone calls from home just to attempt to collect on past due accounts. I saw others sit and complain and show little activity.  I even saw them refuse to work over the weekend or after 6pm.  I would hear “I have plans”.  I was constantly puzzled by all of it and continued to struggle to prove my value once the company changed leadership.  I never understood why I had to struggle to show my capabilities and dedication to the business success.  Although a challenge and a definite learning lesson, I will say that when I left; those that thought I brought no value are still in my contact file.  I also feel confident that they soon learned the dedication that I gave to attempting to succeed.   

Now, I find myself doing the same thing in my current position.  I hear “chatter” and “lots of talk”.  I see people getting the spotlight with minimal “action” to reflect the justification.  I wonder why this happens.  I wonder if it is because I don’t blow hot air out of my mouth just to show that I am there.  I wonder if it is because I am a single mother or just a woman in general.  I wonder if it will ever change.

So here I sit today…  Bitter and defeated!  Do I struggle again to prove my value and refuse to go down without a positive impression?  Do I surrender to the complete exhaustion from all of this and start looking for a new opportunity?

For today, I will not “play” the game.  I will not be the kind of person that corporate America expects you to be to succeed.  For today, I am going to be me.  I am going to do exactly what I need to do and go home to my children, my family, and my backyard.

As for my advice, today I am speaking out to all the working mothers.  I feel your pain and I too struggle every day to “prove” that I can be both a mom and a successful career woman.  I am not sure why the struggle appears greater for us, but don’t give up.  It is not about what “they” think of you..It is about what YOU think of YOU!  Work your best to be a good employee, a good co-worker, a good mother, and a good friend… and NOT in that order! 

Thankful that tomorrow is Friday.  Thankful that bestie will be back on Saturday.  Thankful that we are all healthy and enjoying time in the backyard!  Keep it REAL people!  Don’t be fake, don’t play the corporate games…be exactly who you WANT to BE!