As many know, I spend a great deal of my time at my best friend’s house. With that being said, both she and her husband enjoy living through me in my crazy dating (or lack thereof) experiences. One night after a few glasses of “something”, we ended up on match.com. I was registered and a paying customer before I knew what hit me.
I soon found out what this new craze was all about. I wrote my bio, added my interests and we were off and winking. Little did I know that there are a few different types of men on match.com. You have the single for a reason, troubled, and unresponsive. I can say it is not the place to meet your soul mate. It is a good place; however, to meet people with similar issues. I now know why so many people have stated that it is a “rite of passage”. I can also say that I made it through two months, 6 men, and $70.00 and NEVER managed to have an actual date out of any of the contacts. Oh well, I guess there is one thing I learned: I could have saved 70.00 and just posted my email address on a men’s bathroom wall with “For an ear to vent, scream, or talk dirty in… email me at XXXX” I probably would have had a better success rate and wouldn’t have had to deal with all the emotions. Although, I would have probably had to deal with the occasional calls for more toilet paper!
Anyway, this brings me to my thought for the day. I remember everyone always telling me that you will soon move on and the troubled past would be forgotten. I know now that that is not the case for many women (at least not this woman). I finally agreed after several chat sessions and two phone conversations to meet “Mr. X” for coffee. He seemed nice enough and was fun to talk too. So, I made plans for the kids, worked through the nerves, and prepared to meet him. I got ready to head out and decided to send a friendly text to make sure all was “ok”. 45 minutes before our meeting time and a message comes across “I am at my brothers and probably won’t be able to make it” “I will call you on my way home”. Now normally, most people would say “OK, no big deal”. Not me, I felt all those emotions come back from my past relationships. I felt that feeling of always having to “understand”. I held my head up and continued out the door. I never once looked back and I never told anyone that my so called “date” canceled. As I drove to town, I felt the tears falling. Remembering all the forgotten birthdays, the nights left alone, the unknown disappearances. I realized that at that moment, we do not leave it behind us and it still hurts like hell! It is in us and will always be a moment in time. I headed to the local restaurant for a glass of “something”. I sat and thought about all that just happened and realized.. I am different now. I don’t need to have a relationship and sure don’t need to settle. I finished my drink, went shopping for groceries, and headed to my “safe” place.
When I got to my besties house, with tears in my eyes; I said “I am not ready and I may never be ready” However, for the first time in my life; I realized..That it is OK to feel that way. So, I am “Keeping it REAL”! You may move on from your past, but you will never fully forget what you learned. If you were to forget it, you would never truly find your happiness. It is acceptable to reflect on the past as long as you don’t live in it or dwell on it. Use it as your resource to work towards the future. I to will get past this and reflect back on this day and remember it as a stepping stone to perfection.
Keeping it REAL
No comments:
Post a Comment