Extended Weekend.....

This weekend was full of activities and a special day for friends and family.  I am amazed at how quickly it flew by.  We spent two days sitting around recovering from strep throat and gathering our strength to attend a birthday party on Sunday.  I knew that we must “recover” because this was going to be a very special 5^th birthday for our little friend.

By the morning of the party, I had one little girl bouncing off the wall to go the party and one little boy who couldn’t wait to go spend “man” time with his Uncle.  I packed up all the necessary party “musts” and headed down the road.  I was nervous but excited for this was going to be a “party to remember”. 

As the party progressed, it appeared that everyone was having a great time.  There was a moon bounce for the kids, corn hole for the men, and gathering spot for the women.   I know that sounds so wrong but it is reality that at most social gatherings, you can look around and it truly falls into this behavioral mold.  The day was speeding by and the whispering amongst a few was getting more noticeable. 

By 5:30PM, it becomes common knowledge why this party was going to be so special.  It was announced that not only was this my little friend’s 5^th birthday party, but a special surprise was coming her way..  Her mom and dad were getting married. When asked “when”, the response was “today”.  The cheers were heard across the yard and tears began to flow as families began to “melt” into one.

I found myself stepping back and remembering my memories as a child.  I felt the emotions overwhelm me as I watched the two of them state their vows (which they wrote).  I listened as they made specific promises to one another.  I smiled as I saw them both glance over at “their daughter” as they vowed to share in providing her a safe and loving environment.  I took a moment and hid behind the lens of my camera. I couldn’t help but think of all the memories that this will bring to their daughter.  The thought that she might one day reflect back as I do.. 

The moment that I remember the most from my childhood is the day that my mom and dad arrived from their honeymoon.  I remember the happiness on his face to see us.  I remember running up to him yelling his name in excitement.  I remember that second he took to correct me and said “you can call me Daddy now”.  It was a turning point in my life.  It was a feeling that I could not explain at that time.  However, now that I am older; 

 I understand that feeling.  It is a feeling of being safe, happy, and most importantly; loved.

This Labor Day, I saw the love that is built not by circumstance, but by choice.  It is a bond that will be stronger than can be defined or understood by any other.  I saw a man profess his love to not only one woman but to a child.  I heard him say…I promise to care for our daughter…as my own…

So in Keeping it REAL, I want to wish everyone a happy holiday and a wish that you too can find true happiness in starting over….   “When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones, because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less, than butterflies...” Congrats to the lucky couple and their success in finding “butterflies”.

Eyes Wide Open..

So after 8 days of school, we have now officially felt the wrath of school “germs”.  Yup, my little girl has strep throat.  We have 2 days to recover before we are off to celebrate a birthday and the holiday with friends.   This weekend couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.  I am sure we can all relate to having “down” moments and this week was full of them.  It has been a true reality check week and I am more than ready for the weekend adventures.

At this point, I am thinking that the earthquake may have “shook up” some things in my life and I am now feeling the settling of the “aftershock”.  Through it all, there has been pressure at work and in my personal life but one thing stayed consistent and that is “my friends”.  I know in past blogs, I have talked about the support, guidance, and push that I receive from my friends.  This week held true to that form in so many ways. 

I found myself on the phone with my friends each day.  I found myself saying “I can’t”, “I won’t”, “I am tired”, and “I give up”.   Both of them had a strong opinion and gave suggestions and help, but what I took away from these conversations is so much greater than the words they shared.  I took away with me thoughts. The thoughts that I am so blessed to have such great friends, who will stop what they are doing to just “talk”.  The thought that no matter how hard I struggle….they will never give up on me.  

In one discussion with my bestie, she had to pull over from tears that overcame her as she talked of her wish for me.  She knew I was being resistant and shutting down.  Then she said it..she said  “take the chance” and I promise if you fall I will be there to help pick up the pieces and put you back together.  I was speechless.

Well, I did take a “chance” this week and the pieces did “fall”.  I started to doubt my decision to take the initiative. I started doubting my decision to follow her guidance.  I was falling apart and as promised..she was there.  She did her pep talks of moving forward.  She did her “what is next story line”.  She ended with a confidence building statement that left me feeling blessed to have such good friends.

So this weekend, I am off to spend time with the people that I love. I am off to talk, play, laugh, eat, and put back the pieces that fell apart this week.  I may arrive with my emotions and sadness from the week, but I will leave with the feeling that all is good when you spend time with those that you love.  I will leave my “safe place” having put the week behind me.

So in Keeping it REAL, it is OK to fall apart.  After all true success comes from taking a chance, falling apart, and then selectively choosing the pieces worth putting back into your overall picture of life.  I feel good about the outcome.  I feel good in knowing that with help, I can rebuild the “me” and in time..the pieces that I keep will forever build into a foundation worth fighting for.  After all, as bestie reminds me…this is a fight not just for me..it is a fight for “us”. A fight much greater than whether I can get a project done or if someone feels the same way as me.  It is a fight for “my voice”.  It is a fight to be heard and the ability to accept and hear the answers. A fight worth fighting and worth facing for my two favorite success stories..my children.  As to my readers, take time to be a "friend".  Don't give up when things get hard or the answer is not what you think they want to hear.  Be honest and answer honestly when someone struggles for the words to speak.  Find your "voice" and in doing so..they will find theirs......Looking forward to a great weekend with the amazing friends that are now permanently embedded in my puzzle of life!

It was all a Dream....

So last night was a restless night.  I kept thinking about a quote that continues to linger over me. It is a “goal” of such and yet at any point during my day seems very unattainable.  The quote is as follows “If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.  If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.  If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place”.  I keep this quote at my desk and at home and I constantly look at it in hopes that I will someday…take the chance.

I always considered myself strong minded and dedicated but lately I have found myself to be more reserved and resistant to saying what I think/feel.  Maybe it is a result of being divorced or maybe it is just the fear of what I already know. 

At work, I find myself sitting back and watching the disarray unfold and yet cannot find the voice to speak up and attempt to organize the situation.  I find that being “not as technical” as everyone else puts me at a disadvantage or in a position where I “don’t know what I am talking about”.  Yes, I will “huddle” with co-workers (one on one) and say “we need to do this” or “why aren’t we moving forward”.  I quickly retract my statements when I get the look of “who do you think you are”.   I know that I can bring organization, motivation, and change…but after my previous experiences “I have lost my voice”. 

At home, I find myself falling into my routine. I find that when encouraged to find a hobby (ie: exercise class or other activity), I quickly respond with “no time” or “yeah right”.  Do I really not have time or is there a fear of failure?  Am I truly moving forward or am I standing still in the safety of my four walls?

At socials, I find myself turning down socials and opportunities to gather.  I am not sure why, but I keep drawing back and thinking….what will I get out of this?  What if I am not having fun?  What if they are not having fun?  I quickly make the decision to “not go” and then find myself wondering..”would we have had fun together”, “what did I miss”… 

I finally exhausted myself with my thoughts last night.  I decided that living by my quote is just too hard and I fail every time.  Sleep came before my last thought but the dream that followed turned into a reminder of what I need to work the most on…  Self Confidence.  Self Acceptance.  Self Worth.  Self Attitude.  It was one of those dreams that seem so real and I even woke up feeling all of the emotions involved in the encounter.  I woke up thinking “why did I do that”.

In my dream, I am meeting a new person for the first time (the dreaded reverse dating).  The date is over and it was fun. However, I just can’t stop thinking the “what ifs” from my past encounters.  What if, he missed me?  What if, he changed his mind?  What if, there was a chance…  I find myself standing in the rain on his front porch.  I find myself asking “is there a chance” and I hear the answer that I so feared “no”.  I find myself walking away with no further discussion and no further conversation.  I find myself walking away and knowing that this would be our last conversation….

What have I learned from this?  I have learned that sometimes we don’t ask the question because the answer may result in a loss greater than just a “no”.  I realized that I am not hiding from rejection. I am hiding from the outcome of the answer.  So, I realized that the best answer for me is to make the move forward…don’t look back..and keep swimming.  After all, if I was truly the “prize or trophy”, he would have cashed in by now….

So in Keeping it REAL, there are times when you should step up, step down, or move forward.  However, there are also times when you need to step back and “reflect”. Reflect on the situation and determine if you are truly seeking the correct answer or the appropriate question.  Don’t fear the challenge, but remember…It is only a “challenge” when two parties are willing to compete. If only one person is moving forward…there must be reason that the other is holding their ground… 

When the ground began to move....

The school day ended up being more of an adventure than expected.  At approximately 1:53PM, we experienced our first earthquake.  According to reports, it was a 5.9 but the impact of the incident was much more devastating than expected….

As the ground began to tremble, I immediately assumed my “cubicle mate” was shaking the desk.  I got up and went around the side to inquire as to what he was doing.  At that moment, the vibration became more intense.  To be honest, I had no idea what was going on.  As it continued, I found many thoughts going through my head “are we being attacked again”, “did a plane just crash”, “did something fall on the roof”.  I stopped and looked around and saw a co-worker racing to the hallway saying “it is an earthquake, get out of the building”.  I immediately reached out for my cell phone and headed to the door.

All I could think about as I was exiting the door was “where is the central location and are my children OK”.  I tried calling on my cell and circuits were down or overloaded.  I couldn’t text.  I was at a loss.  Once they confirmed that it was over and rated it at a 5.9, I decided that I needed to get home.  I needed to know that everyone was safe. 

I have to admit it was the longest one hour drive home that I have EVER experienced.  Many thoughts were going through my head.  What if they are scared? What if they are hurt?  What if the road is blocked and I can’t get there?  What if I get pulled over for going 85 mph (ok I finally slowed down)…

I was able to contact my mother and confirmed that all was good (at this point I was 20 minutes from the house).  I asked “should I go pick them up”?  After my mother calmed me down, I decided to let their day play out as normal. 

When they arrived home, they were happy and bursting with excitement from their day.  They talked of running the track to meeting new people.  They talked of their nice teachers to the lunch time conversations.  I stood listening and then finally said “yeah, but what about the earthquake”.  They both looked at me puzzled….

The children had been told that the movement was a result of construction down the road (at the soon to be new High School).  They had no idea that we experienced an earthquake.  As it all sunk in, they began to ask questions about “why, how, and will it happen again”.  We finally settled down and enjoyed a nice dinner and a crazy night full of energy and LOUD conversation.

As I lay down to go to sleep, I couldn’t help but think about the overall experience.  I am unsettled by the decision made to lie to the children about what had just occurred.  When I was in school, we constantly performed “drills” on what to do during an “attack”, “hurricane”, “tornado”, or any other form of devastation.  So why was this practice not performed yesterday?  Why the decision to lie?  What impact will that have on their trust in the school educators and leader? After all, the truth was revealed when they came home.  It was all over the television and couldn’t be avoided.

As most know, I am honest (to a fault).  I will never lie to my children and when asked a question..I answer honestly or choose not to answer at all….  I feel that in this situation the following should have occurred:

• The children should have followed the routine drill of exiting the building
• The children should have been notified that we just experienced a “minor” earthquake
• Teachers should have taken that moment in time to educate on “what is an earthquake”

After all, I am just Keeping it REAL….  We cannot shelter our children from devastation.  We need to educate them on how to prepare, protect, and survive.  We need to teach them about all that life may throw their way and assist them in learning to “stay calm”, “listen for directions”, “respond”.  All of this was taught to me when I was in school and it remains with me through tornado warnings, hurricanes, and now earthquakes….

Let the Schedule Begin…

This summer seemed to fly and that day I dread each year is upon us.  THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!  My children were a ball of energy last night talking of “what if the teacher is mean” or “what if I can’t make friends”.  I on the other hand was thinking “What if I can’t get them to fall asleep at 8PM”. 

I am very lucky in that my mother watches my children for me.  I don’t have the daily struggles of day care or summer camps.  My children get to stay up late and sleep in.  They get the complete summer “break” package.  When school begins, we find ourselves rushing to get homework done, pack lunches, and bath time.  We find a total of one hour of quality time before they are rushed off to bed for a good night’s sleep.  I truly love summer time!

I spent most of the night organizing paperwork (yes, I waited until the last minute), packing lunches, and assisting in the selection of “what to wear on the first day”.  It was complete chaos and both of my children had zero ability to stay focused on the task at hand.  As we finalized the last minute items, we began getting their school supplies together.  I sat and rummaged through their new book bags removing tags and any indication that the item was new.   Then it hit me.  

 

The “smell” of school was cascading out of their supplies and I am not sure if it is the smell of newness or the smell of pencil lead and paper.  It overwhelmed me with memories of the many first days of school for me.  I remember each year thinking “will everyone be nice to me”, “will they be glad to see me”, “will I get good grades”, “and will I get through the day”.  I remember being so excited and yet so sad to see the summer end.   I remembered feeling exactly how they are feeling.

Before I knew it, it was 8:15 and the children were hustling to get in bed for a good night rest before the big day. I tucked them in and reminded them of the great adventures to come….lights out and sweet dreams… I went back down stairs to sit and relax for a bit but found that I too was restless and to be quite honest…lonely.

I went upstairs set my alarm and curled into bed with hopes for a good first day of school.  I must have only been laying there for 15 minutes before I heard the footsteps of a little person and the tap on my shoulder.  It was my son.  He looked at me and said “I am too nervous and can’t sleep”.  I, of course; offered to let him sleep in my bed and he quickly accepted.  As he started to calm down, we chatted about being nervous.  He did most of the talking from “will I always feel this nervous” to “what will I do when I go to College”.  I giggled and told him that he will be glad to say goodbye when he goes to College. I also reassured him that he won’t be sleeping in my bed on the first night.  He laughed and attempted to reassure me that he will always miss me…(yeah, I will remind him of this one).  Before I knew it, he was fast asleep and I was wide awake.  I couldn’t help but watch him sleep.  He seemed so peaceful and happy.  I couldn’t help but think of all that I wish I could protect him from and all I wish I could tell him (and him believe it). 

As luck would have it, I wasn’t able to see them off on the bus, but I was able to get them dressed and ready to go before I left for work.  Both of them were very excited but I still had that feeling of a “rock” sitting in the bottom of my stomach just waiting to explode. I kept reminding myself that my goal in life is to “educate” my children to become the best at what they strive to accomplish.  However, the other responsibility of “protecting” my children kept coming to the forefront.  I am putting my faith in the educators to perform these tasks for 6hours of the day and I have lost control to their destiny.  I am living on faith that the educators will “love”, “protect”, and “educate” my children.  I am no longer the complete package.  There are others working towards my goal too. 

So in Keeping it REAL, take the time to get to know your educators.  Don’t feel intimidated when “speaking up” for your child’s rights.  Be their advocate and be their support as they deal with “personality conflicts”, “bullies”, “homework”, and the pure challenge of getting through the year.    Take one hour a night to talk, laugh, and cry over the day’s activities.  And it doesn’t hurt to share your daily activities to include disappointments.  After all, life is real and they need to know you share the same feelings..

The PERFECT date…for a man!

So over the last several months, I have been meeting different people. I have enjoyed the “social” aspect but have found that meeting a complete stranger can be somewhat awkward. I have read many of the bios and laughed out loud at their idea of a perfect date. I think the missing link here is that what they write is based on “what a woman wants”. I just can’t envision a man really enjoying a “candle lit dinner, a walk in the park holding hands, or a picnic by a lake”. Clearly they are writing exactly “what a woman wants to hear”…or so they think!

So my thoughts today are on “what do men really want to do on a date?” After all, the first encounter is totally awkward, why not make it fun. Right? So I reached out to my FB family and emailed some other friends to see what they really thought. And although not surprised, I found it interesting that under complete confidentiality…the truth came out.

My question was as follows: Describe the perfect first date.. Assume you are already physically attracted to the female (we are past the picture versus reality issue)... If you could select the "first date" based completely on what you would want to do (not to impress the woman)..what would you do, where would you do it, and day/night event. Don't spend any time thinking about it..just go with your "gut" and your first thought

So what do men want? Overall, they all found food to be a requirement. Shocking right? The surprising part was the “type of food”(just joking, I had this one pegged) It appears that men enjoy greasy, sloppy, and paper napkin meals. The meals consisted of barbecue, tacos, buffet (oh my), and fried chicken. The event consisted of sports events such as football game, baseball game, and golf. Others wanted to get more physical and included a motorcycle ride, the shooting range, a movie (commented then I wouldn’t have to talk..nice), and dancing.

The interesting part is when you put all this together; it appears most men like “day activities”. Yet, we constantly find ourselves suffering through an awkward dinner, drinks at a bar, or some other form of evening social. Most of the men agreed that after a “fun” day/event, they prefer finding themselves slumped on the sofa (alone) and recovering from the excitement of the day to probably include over eating.

So I am sure you are wondering, why this question today? I was thinking about all the past dates or adventures that I have been on with men. I have found them to be awkward, uncomfortable, and quite honestly BORING. As I sat the other night with friends and family, it was announced that it was my besties mom and dad’s anniversary. At first, I teased him and said “You brought her to the fair on your anniversary…what did you get her?”. Of course his joking response was “I bought her ticket into the fair”. I found it so funny and at the same time PERFECT. Maybe I am a little odd, but seeing them sit with family and enjoy their time together was “REAL”. After all, it should be about time together and not about “what you get or what you think you deserve”.

I realized that it all begins on the “first date” and if you play your cards right; you will find that every day is a “first date”. It is about finding that person that enjoys the same activities that you do. It is about finding that person that will eat greasy tacos on the first date and still enjoy them after 26 years.

So in Keeping it REAL…. Don’t fall for the candlelit dinner or the dinner for two at the fancy restaurant. Fall for the one who takes you out on an adventure that truly shows you…who they really are! Over time, the “fancy”, “romantic”, and “over the top” dates will become rare. After all, we all want to be sitting on a crowded bleacher, eating ice cream, and socializing with friends and family knowing that we have successfully hit a marriage milestone of 26 years..

Cows, horses, and chickens…Oh MY!

It is the last week of summer for the kids and we have decided to spend it at our local County Fair. Before we left for the events, we sat down to dinner and began to talk about what next week will bring… I started with my feelings of being “sad” that school starts next Tuesday. My daughter instantly chimes in and says she is “excited” and my son ended it with “nervous. We started talking of all the emotions and what was on our minds. Of course both of them agreed that with each new school year brings a new teacher, new classmates, and new requirements/expectations. I think our quick talk was good and the beginning of many more before next Tuesday.

We then quickly cleaned up, brushed our teeth, and headed out to meet friends at the demolition derby. I can definitely say that it was very crowded and you could feel the small town loyalty throughout the events. It was exciting and I am sure it will be a memory that will stay with the children for a lifetime. From the smell of the exhaust to the exploding sound of two cars colliding, my daughter couldn’t sit still and I could hear her constant screams of laughter, excitement, and pure pleasure in watching the competition.

After the competition, we traveled around from barn to barn looking at the cows, chickens, horses, produce and crafts. Everyone seemed focused on taking in every exhibit or creature present at the fair. It was the mad dash to the next location with feathers flying and children giggles throughout. I couldn’t help but step back and watch as everyone ventured through the pig barn. At that moment, I realized there is much more to the fair then what meets the eye.

I watched as parents bent over to explain to their children what they were seeing. I watched as children moved slowly towards the animals to give a quick pat on the head to a goat, sheep, or calf. I watched as children are reunited after having not seen each other all summer. I watched as time slowed down and everyone enjoyed the social time with both their children and other adults..

So in Keeping it REAL, school is almost in session. S-L-O-W the clock down and spend some quality time with your children, friends, and family. I now have built another tradition for my family of three and can’t wait to sit in the stands tonight and build more memories…