Thankful....

As we enter into the Thanksgiving holiday, I have spent many hours stopping to reflect on what I am “thankful” for.   I found myself being thankful for the roof over my head, the food on my table, the health of my family, and the friends that I share my time with.  Then, I found myself thinking of those things that went wrong this year.  I realized that I am thankful for it all.

When I started blogging, my focus was starting over.  I began a new job, became a single parent, and decided to try out the dating scene.  I went into the year with a nervous but positive outlook.  As I ventured through the year, I found myself battling many emotions.   I found myself struggling to find “me”.

Last night, I went through and read all my blogs from previous months.  I found myself smiling even when I read the more challenging or life changing blogs.  I wrote of bad dates, lost friendships, and the challenges of raising children.  I had tears as I was reminded of the devastation in China, the loss of a young girl named Caylee, and the execution of Bin Laden.   It was a year of memories that are behind me but not forgotten.

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself looking forward to 2012 and hoping that it is a better year. However, as I read my past blogs; I realized that life is a continual flow of ups and downs.  It is a journey that I have survived so far and reality is there are more journeys to come in the next year. 

So in Keeping it REAL, I know that 2012 will be different but not perfect.  I know that I will laugh, cry, get mad, gain friends, lose friends, and still survive.  I know that everything happens for a reason and that it is all part of my journey in finding “me”.  I know that there is one constant in life and that is “me” and my children.  Although lessons learned during the year, one part remained strong…ME and my two little peeps….  My suggestion for today….Meet life head on…accept what you are given, reject what is not worth the effort, and never stop chasing butterflies… Happy Holidays!

I am BORED....

This weekend was full of activities.  I found myself completely enjoying my moments with the children.  I do admit that at times, I find myself struggling with finding the “easy button” of parenting.  We have had our struggles over the last several months, but in the end..we have survived and seem to be going through a peaceful time.

On Saturday, I found my daughter uttering those dreaded words “I am BORED”.  I almost reacted with the typical response of “this house is overloaded with kid’s toys…what?”  However, this time I decided to make good and pull out the Christmas decorations. 

Three large boxes that were full of memories.  Each year, our collection grows bigger with handmade ornaments and I love reflecting on the history behind each one.  Our first tree to decorate is a small tree that we inherited from my grandmother “AKA Nana”.  We dedicate this tree to all the handmade ornaments made over the years

My daughter hummed and sang through the entire process and I loved watching as she pulled out each ornament and asked “who made this and why”.  I giggled as she reacted to the first ornament that she made.  Although to me, it was perfect; in her eyes it was a poor example of her capabilities. As we placed the final ornament on the tree, I told her it was time for the star.

I carefully pulled out the star that was wrapped in tissue paper.  Her eyes lit up as she was fascinated by how small and delicate it was.  I then began the story…  The star is more than just the final decoration on our small artificial tree.  It is the star that adorned her great grandmother’s tree when I was her age.  It is a star that has seen many Christmas’ and will continue to see many more in our house.  She smiled and carefully added the star to the top of our 3ft tree.

Once we completed the tree, we began to rummage through the stockings, garland, and outdoor lights.  Before I knew it, all was up and the house was festive.  As a final note of the holiday beginnings, I lit the Christmas candle.  The house began to smell of cinnamon and my daughter found herself grinning and humming again about the holidays…

As we finally settled down to watch a movie, my son thought it would be nice if we turned all the lights off except the Christmas lights.  I agreed and it was at that moment that I realized how much I love Christmas.  It has been a long time since I felt the true moments of Christmas outside of the struggle to buy gifts and the urgency to get it all done.  As we sat watching the movie, I couldn’t help but stop and stare at the lights on the tree.  I found myself focused on the “star” and remembering all the excitement around Christmas, as a child.  I felt a peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.

After the long year that we have endured, I was happy to have found this moment.  I was happy to remember how great Christmas was and is for our “family”.  I was happy that my daughter said “I am BORED” and that we brought Christmas to our home early.  I am happy that life’s challenges are not more then we can bear and that we are still able to see the hope, fantasy, and opportunities that the future brings….

So in Keeping it REAL, take a moment to sit in the dark and enjoy the lights of Christmas.  You might too find yourself reflecting on the “good”.  You might even find yourself looking around, picking up the phone, or sending a note to those that gave you the strength and vision to continue moving forward.   I now have that moment to remind me what is most important in life….FAMILY.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to give “thanks” for the family and friends that surround you every day…

Naughty or Nice…

This weekend, I ventured out to buy groceries and was overwhelmed (yet again) by the blaring Christmas music and the over abundance of decorations.  There was this one mother with two children walking through the toy aisle.  She was having her children make a “list”.  The list was for the wonderful “Santa Claus”.  Her daughter was popping down the aisle squealing “I want this, I want that, I want it all”.  Her son was moving slowly through the many action figures and touching each item that could possibly be a good toy.  The mother was quietly checking prices and wondering “how can I do this”.

The Christmas season has always been a time to spend together.  The holiday was the time for a big meal, yummy cookies/cakes, and the smell of cinnamon cascading through the house.  It was a time of gift giving and watching the joy on others faces as they got “exactly” what they wanted.   For the children, it was a holiday of working hard to be good so you are on the “nice” list.  It was a holiday of cheer and excitement as they opened their gifts and squealed at the reality that they got “exactly what they wanted”.

This year is different.  This year that “mother” in the store is watching the prices and thinking “how can I afford this”.  This year, that mother is “me”.  My children will get less then “exactly what they wanted”.  The list will be large and the reality of what can be provided will be less. There will not be a playstation3, IPOD, Barbie dream house, or Baby Alive.  They didn’t make the “cut”.   This year, I am a single mother.

As I sat the other night reviewing their list, I found myself wishing that all parents would cut back this year.  I thought of what will happen when my children only see a few gifts.  Will they think they were “naughty”?  Will they wonder why others received more?  Will they forget the purpose of Christmas and become engulfed in the feeling of being “less worthy”?  I struggled with ways to make the money stretch or ways to get more.  I even thought that maybe I could blame the economy and the expense of supplies to make to the toys.   I thought myself to sleep…

The next day at church, we were reviewing the agenda for the week.  On the list was a request for family sponsorship for those in “need”.   I read the wish list and felt tears come to my eyes.  They were young children with no requests for an IPOD, game system, or crazy baby doll.  They had simple requests for a coat, shoes, and hygiene products.  I felt a moment of guilt that I even felt that I had shorted my children.  I was reminded that life could be more challenging.  I realized that I was “lucky”.

Last night, I continued working the list.  I began marking off those items that were out of the price range.  I began adding others…  I added one item to both of their lists for a “child in need”.  I have decided that I would share my addition with the children and remind them of what the season is about.  I want them to give up some “wants” on their list in hopes that Santa will be able to provide for those that are struggling with “needs”.  After all, isn’t the holiday about “giving”?

So in Keeping it REAL, we should all check our lists.  This is a great time to teach our children what really puts them on the “nice” list.   We should teach them about giving and the joy that can come from providing something so basic as a coat or a pair of shoes.   We should teach them to give and in return they will receive the most amazing gift..a gift felt deep within..a gift of feeling that you did the right thing at the right time for the right REASON….. 

Halloween....the entrance to the HOLIDAYS...

The holiday is finally past us and I keep hearing the song “I will survive” rolling through my head.  Of all the holidays (if you consider it a holiday), Halloween is one of the most adventure packed holidays of the year.  I find myself engulfed in decorating with webs, prepping costumes, and building up a supply of candy to pass out.  Every year, I am amazed at the turnout in our neighborhood and this year was no different.  We hit 300 plus!

As I sat and prepared the children for their adventure, I took a moment to reflect on all the other years of trick or treating.  I thought of how my sons interests went from an elephant, spider, ninja, vampire…and this year a gruesome “mummy doctor”.  I thought of how my daughter continued down the path of needing to look “pretty” and yes even witches can be pretty!  I thought there is so much more to this adventure then just gathering candy and playing dress up.

It is an opportunity to be someone or something else.  It is an opportunity to hide behind a mask or face paint.  I knew this at the moment that we all joined together to begin our travels.  I saw children turning into the most powerful ninjas.  I saw girls dressed up like Cinderella prancing and dancing in their fantasy world.  I saw a life size banana showing the power of his giant like size and healthy nature.  I saw my son…playing the part of strong, powerful, and scary. 

When the night was finally over, we sat in bed and talked about our adventure.  The adventure that left us overwhelmed with the best sugar high of the year.  I listened to my son talk of all the friends he saw on his journey.  We talked of the up and coming BIG holidays and the preparation of a Santa list.  I watched as their imaginations grew deep and smiled as I remembered the joys of the holiday spirit.  I knew that even with all the changes in our lives…we still have the dreams and visions of the future and holidays to come.  Although our family is smaller…our visions and goals remain the same.