From the EYES of a BOY....

So today was project delivery day and desk organization time.  I am often perplexed when attempting to analyze or figure out my son and his actions.  My mother continues to remind me that he is all “me”.  She reminds me of my desk organizational skills during school and that it is enhanced by him being a “boy”.

When we arrived at the classroom, I was surprised to see the papers flowing out of his desk.  I immediately started pulling everything out.  As I pulled out the mismatched papers, I found completed assignments, drawings of battling army men, crinkled up clean paper, broken pencils, and empty folders.

So my immediate focus was on the empty folders.  Each folder was nicely labeled as Social Studies, Reading, Science, Spelling, etc.  However, to my surprise all the folders were completely empty.  I soon found that all documents were crammed into the Homework folder.  UGH!

As my son sat and watched I pulled out the folders and explained the folders and their use.  I explained that organization does not come natural in our family and he has to work hard to figure out the best process for him.  As I finished my sentence, he responds with “can I go to morning recess”. All I can say is that at this point, I was struggling with control but calmly said “no”.

I hustled to finish and had him sitting reading his book and finishing some incomplete work (as I pulled it out of his desk).  I was then out the door and off to work.  However, as I drove; I continued to feel that feeling deep in my gut that I have lost my click with my son.  I truly feel that I am not in “the know”.  Is it normal to feel this way or is it just me?  Is it because I am female and no matter how hard I try…I cannot see life “from the eyes of a boy” even if he is my son?

I found myself driving my hour drive to work with no radio interference and no phone conversations. I found myself trying to work through what has happened in the last two weeks.  I have completely removed video games (seems to be his life focus) and still he continues to seem withdrawn.  Friends have noticed his distance and commented.  I have tried to single him out for alone time and he refused the opportunity.  I am at a complete loss…

Just as I reached my place of work, I finally figured out how to reach him.  I need to get into his world.  So in Keeping it REAL, tonight is a night of video games.  That is right.  The person that hates video games more than having blood work is going to endure 1 hour of Xbox!  It will be his opportunity to “teach” me how to see “from the eyes of a boy”.  It may not be the Barbie reenactments that I remember as a kid, but it is a start. Wish me luck as I attempt to conquer the “grind”, “heelflip”, and “nosegrind” on a virtual skateboard.  I am sure it will be an adventure…an adventure that will draw us back together and rebuild the communication that we have lost in the last several weeks….  My advice today… Don’t give up!  Sometimes, you have to play their “games” in order to “win”!

Project..Mission Accomplished

So this weekend, we set off to complete a 4^th grade project with my son.  It is important to note that this project task began at 10:00AM on Saturday.  The goal was to build the state of Virginia showing terrain elevations, surrounding states and waterways from CLAY!  I dreaded the entire experience because I have zero creativity when it comes to art.

We headed to the local craft store and bought the necessary clay and we were off and running home to start the project that will mark the beginnings of a nightmare of home project assignments.  Luckily, a friend of mine came over so her daughter could have a play date with mine (child distraction so mom and son could focus).  So all was on the table, the outline of the state had been created to include waterways…then it happened…complete mental block!

How in the world can you show the regions with terrain elevations from clay?  I felt my anxiety kicking in and between the two of us (with very little feedback from my son); we could not figure this one out.  I started pacing the floor while my friend texted her husband to volunteer his services on Sunday.  I just couldn’t do it.  It was too much and to boot, it is geography (my weakest subject).

By the time we had recruited her husband, bestie was ringing in on my phone. I answered and began to spill the project drama.  She said “wait, someone just did one of those and I know what it is supposed to look like”.  I quickly recruited her to come to my house (a little sweet tea bribery involved). 

So now, you remember what time I started this from above.  Right?  It is now 6:00PM and we have an assembly line going on.  One person is painting the bordering states on the bottom of a box.  One person is building the elevations.  One person is building the “key”. One person is sitting and watching it all unfold (let us just say it was not me). 

By 7:30PM, the paint was drying, the clay was intact, and we were all settled down on my porch reflecting on a job well done.  My only problem, I feel strongly that no 4^th grader could have tackled this project alone.  It took 3 woman (no jokes please) to put this together.  I honestly don’t remember having these types of projects until I was in Middle School.  Was the purpose of this activity to force bonding time between children and parents?  Was this a test of our knowledge of what our children are learning or was it merely another reminder that we were shorted geography in grade school?

Either way, In Keeping it REAL…. We have successfully tackled our first major project.  What have we learned from this experience?  I think my son has learned that there are benefits to “teamwork” and that too many women in one house is not safe. What have I learned?  I will not wait until the last minute to work on a school project…  But the most important lesson learned by all of us “our team is untouchable”.  Thanks to my friends..…  I appreciate your support and talents and I hope “we” get an A….

Shy or Insecure…

So I often wonder if being “shy” is a learned behavior or if you are born being a “shy” person.  I did some research and found mixed opinions on how a person becomes or is shy.  There is a strong support of the belief that you cannot be born shy because you are not born with a “sense of self”.  Therefore, shyness must be a result of life experiences and or self security issues. Right?

I often wonder if most people that blog or write are shy.  As for me, I am definitely more confident behind my computer and expressing my words on paper then I am at saying them face to face.  I struggle with my insecurities (yup, they are there) and constantly find myself failing every time.

Last night, I went out to dinner with someone who knows me via email, texting, and phone conversations.  I knew regardless of the outcome, we would be friends.  What I didn’t expect was that my “shy” behaviors would appear offensive or appear to be acts of withdraw.  I will say that I appreciate the honesty, but the sting of hearing the feedback made me stop and think about “what made me shy”. 

I remember being an outgoing child in my younger years.  I remember feeling that I was “perfect” (thanks to my parent’s encouragement).  Then I entered school.  My first true memory of being picked on was in 5^th grade.  I had gained weight and was exposed to the true cruelty of childhood teasing.  I can still remember moments in time that I felt completely horrible and no matter what my parents said “I stuck to the words of the children”.  I remember becoming “shy”….

As I continued through high school, I was constantly teased about my appearance and had given up any hope of being “popular”.  However, I made it through and was excited to be heading off to college to “start over”.  This was my BIG opportunity to make friends and leave the so called overweight me behind (105lbs of me…) 

Then there was my first class… As part of my school requirements, I had to take an exercise class and the requirement was to get weighed to determine body fat...  I got on the scale and weighed in (110lbs).  The instructor commented “wow, I would have thought you weighed more than that”.  I still to this day wish I had responded with something back about how his face looked like he ran into a brick wall…but I didn’t.  I merely walked away feeling once again…”shy”.   Through it all, I did manage to meet some lifelong friends and successfully completed my degree.

This brings me to the events of last night…  I have a successful career, wonderful children, and an awesome friend network.  However, I am STILL “shy”.  I found myself enjoying the company but struggling for my “comfort” zone.  I tried really hard, but I failed.  The person completely felt the wrath of my “shy” behaviors.  I, once again; lost the battle with myself.

As I sat last night, I reflected on the experience.  Could I have done something differently?  Can I help my actions?  Will I ever get over being “shy”?  After all, my theme this year is “starting over”. Can I truly do it this time?

So in Keeping it REAL, we spend our entire lives trying to overcome our childhood experiences.  The question will always be “can we succeed”.  My gut says to stop trying but my heart says “don’t give up”.  Today, I am going to go with my heart.  I can’t give up just yet.  Today, I may look in the mirror and see that 5^th grader that was picked on but tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow is the day that I might learn to see “me”…    And to my followers..it doesn’t matter what someone says today..it only matters how you want to feel tomorrow.   And to all those up and coming adults, I am sorry. I am sorry that you too may have to reflect back on these days as moments in time that cannot be erased.  Work hard and move forward and remember…be the best that you can be and that starts with being a good friend!

I love you....

So this week has started off on the wrong foot or maybe better said on the wrong “feet”.  It seems like we had such a crazy weekend and it left us grasping to recover.  In the middle of all the confusion, I found myself struggling to communicate with my son.  I could say it is the “age”, but I want to believe that it is also a test that we all go through when raising children.  That stage where they make another attempt to “take control”. 

The last few days have left me feeling like the only answer he knows is “no”.  I feel as if I am struggling to pull my ground on “knowing what is right” and “in the best interest”.  By this morning, I was exhausted and was attempting to get breakfast on the table, lunches by the door, and coffee made before running off to work.  It was in that moment that my son decided to take one more try at “testing my strength”.  It was the wrong moment because I found myself responding in anger and feeling completely defeated.   

By the end of the argument (to be honest I can’t even remember what it was about), I had resorted to the “no video games for a week”.  He instantly reacts with “no please mom, I love you”.  I continue out the door as I am now 10 minutes late in my departure.  My only response “why does it take an act...to hear that”.   As I pulled out of the garage, I could see him standing at the garage door with tears continuously repeating “I love you”. 

As I pulled out of the driveway, I stopped for a moment and remembered my life lesson.  The lesson I learned in the last days of my dad’s life.  The lesson to “live each day as if it is your last”…  It has been a struggle, but I have found myself working towards finding good in all and finding good in me.  As I sat there for a moment in my driveway, I thought of going back in and making good on the conversation that should have taken place.  I felt that my communication with my son was tainted with the emotion of anger and maybe I should just be late and go back in and talk.

Just then I looked up and he was at the window watching me.  I rolled my window down and saw his face smiling and his hand make the sign for “I LOVE YOU”.  I then found myself smiling back and signing back “I LOVE YOU TOO”.  I pulled out of the driveway and headed to work.

So in Keeping it REAL, my lesson today..I am not perfect.  I am a working single mother and will have my moments.  For today, he has lost his video games for a week.  For tomorrow, we have both learned that communicating can sometimes be difficult.  We are all a work in progress.  However, the important lesson to all my followers… Never walk away without resolution and if you can’t come to one…remember the resolution may just be that gentle or vocal reminder that “I LOVE YOU”. … 

YARD SALE....

This has been a wet, gloomy, and cold week.  I don’t think I can ever remember it raining this much.  We have actually experienced flooding and pure “moods” in our home due to the weather.  I definitely can say that I am a summer person. I love being outside and anytime it rains like this, I find it challenging to figure out the next step or activity of the day. I am just hoping that tomorrow is a good day because we are focused on finally having a yard sale to complete our clutter free project.  I also have a goal of being able to house the riding lawn mower in the garage (if you saw my garage..you would understand this is a true undertaking).

One of the most difficult tasks for my children (or at least my daughter) is letting go of toys.  Many of the toys that clutter her room are not used or are completely outdated for her age.  I so dreaded the confrontation and had decided that toys would just “disappear” when she wasn’t home.  After a few days of trying to figure out the approach, my sister came to visit.  As many know, I am all about a challenge.  My sister bet me that she could get my daughter to give up some toys and still manage to organize her room.  A monetary bet was on the table and as I walked away I was thinking I had this one in the bag. Then it happened…

My daughter agreed to clean and remove toys from her room. Before I knew what was happening, my sister and daughter had filled 7 bags of toys to be sold at the yard sale.  I couldn’t believe it!  After another two hours of organizing, my daughter coaxed me up to her room to show me the final product.  I was so proud of her and at the same time…sad that I had to fork out ten dollars to my sister. I still haven’t paid my sister yet.  I am not convinced that she will fully depart with the bags of toys.  The true test will be having sold them at the yard sale. 

So my challenge for the week?  Time to depart with “old memories”, “old clothes”, “old toys”, and pure clutter.  Although I dread the act of a yard sale, the outcome will be pure satisfaction in knowing that my “history” will find its way to someone else’s “future”.  I hope to make the ten dollars to pay my sister and I hope the kids will find joy in earning money from selling their unused toys.  As for my suggestion for the day..In KEEPING IT REAL….remember toys have feelings too.  Don’t throw them away.  Give them a second life with another child who isn’t fortunate enough to have weekly visits to Target, Walmart, or the local dollar store.  Step back at your next yard sale and watch as people find value in what you consider “old”, “unused”, or even “junk”.  Teach your children that there are benefits to “letting go” and in the end..everyone will find that peace of mind in knowing…I may not have needed that…but she/he did!