Dinner Party for 4....

When I arrived home last night, I was greeted at the door by both of my children asking “what is for dinner”.  I laughed and responded with “can I come in the house first?”  Once I got in the house, I plopped on the sofa and started talking with my mother.  The children were soon to follow in the conversation and I found myself being persuaded to go out for dinner.

The normal “out for dinner” event consists of a “drive thru” or a quick meal spot.  This time, my daughter was begging to go somewhere that we could sit down and eat.  She kept saying “I want to go to a fancy restaurant”. I kept thinking “can they handle a sit down meal” or better yet “can I handle a sit down meal”. 

After much persuasion, we loaded into the car and headed to a local mom and pop restaurant down the road.  During the ride to the restaurant, I kept reminding the children of the following: you must use your inside voice, you must use your manners, and you must behave.

As we get out of the car to enter the restaurant, the kids are a ball full of energy.  My daughter was jumping around and letting out the “hoorays” and my son was “fast talking” about what he wanted to eat.  At that moment, I realized this may be a mistake but I kept moving forward and we were soon requesting our table “Dinner Party for 4” (of course I brought my mother with us for motherly backup)

To my surprise, the children were in “awe “of the decorations and seating.  We were actually sitting in a booth that was made to resemble a horse carriage.  I could see the excitement in their faces and I realized… “it was not a mistake but more a learning lesson for us all”. 

We ordered our meals, chatted, took pictures, and headed home.  As we were driving back to our house, I took a moment to tell them how proud I was of them.  They used their “inside voices”, “manners intact”, and were overall on their “best behavior”.  In fact, we have now decided that this will become a monthly occurrence…

So in Keeping it REAL, having dinner dates with your children can be fun.  It may not always go this smoothly but, over time; they will learn to “behave” when eating at a “fancy” restaurant.  Let them dress up and play the part.  If you never take them out (like me), try it!  I feared the “worst” for years and now I realize that they are more proud of the adventure then me.  I even found that this was the BEST date I have had in YEARS.  I can’t wait for our next “Dinner Party for 4”

Play Dates....

Yesterday was an interesting day at work and I found myself completely worn down once I arrived to pick up the kids.  When I pulled into my mom’s driveway, I took a deep breath and tried to leave the work behind me.  As I put the car in park, I looked up and there at the door waiting for me were my two favorite little people..jumping up and down yelling “mom is here”!

I got to the door and receive a big hug from both of them and instantly I felt the anxiety from the work day leave my body.  We quickly packed up and headed down the road to our house.  I knew that this was the night for me to go “exercise” and I felt that tingle of guilt for what was to come.

Once we arrived at home, I quickly made mini pizzas for dinner, reminded my daughter to feed the animals, and made a quick phone call.  I then sat down to talk to the kids while they were finishing up their dinner.  The daily conversations took place and then I quickly said “mommy has to go out but I will be back by 9”.  I heard the whimpers and complaints and I saw the sadness on their faces.  I kissed them both and went out the door without looking back….

As I drove to “exercise”, I felt the guilt and kept thinking “maybe I should go home and spend time with them”.  I wondered if every mother feels the guilt that I feel when they walk away for some “alone” or “adult” time.  As a mother, I wondered if this so called “quality time” is really necessary.

I rushed through “exercise” and then maneuvered my way home.  I was relieved to find that both of my children were still up waiting for me.  I turned off the “video game” that my son was playing, made a bag of popcorn, and filled three glasses of water.  I worked my way upstairs and said “time for a popcorn party in mom’s bed”.  The smiles on their faces were priceless (since I hate crumbs in my bed).  We watched television, giggled, and ate popcorn until everyone got tired. 

By 10PM, both of them were sound asleep in their beds. I, of course; was in my room picking popcorn kernels out of the sheets and pillow cases (glad this is a rarity for me).  As I cleaned up the last kernel, I reflected on the day and my feelings.  I realized that when I got home, my children were fine.  It was only 2 hours.  They didn’t think about it the entire time.. My son was busy playing video games and my daughter was focused on playing dress up with her stuffed animals.   The only person who was “missing me” was “me”. 

So in Keeping it REAL, we do all need “adult” time.  The important part is making sure that the children do not feel that it is an act of retreat from being a mom.  As I explained to my children, parents need play dates too.  To all the single mothers, find your “play time” and don’t feel guilty.  We all need a break (including the children) and the welcome home makes it even more rewarding then the time away!  Happy Wednesday and remember to accept a little person hug today!

5 Minutes....

Do you find yourself constantly asking your children “just give me five minutes”?  Do you find yourself spreading those five minutes over an hour because of interruptions?  I find myself saying this statement multiple times throughout the day/evening.   I also find that my five minutes becomes broken up by requests for a drink, a need for an item, or just a quick question from one of my “little people”. 

Over the last several weeks, I have been fighting Lyme disease and find myself completely exhausted.  I also find that the re-occurring statement is “please just give me just five minutes”.  I, of course; find myself dragging up and taking care of what my “little people” need.  After all, I realize that they are completely dependent on me for many things and I just can’t let them down.

As I sat having a phone conversation with my bestie, I found her saying “you need to write about 5 minutes”.  I realized at that point, I must be saying it a great deal during our conversations and started becoming more mindful of my constant request for “5 Minutes”.  I had no idea how much I said it during any given day until that moment. 

Now that I have become mindful of my constant “nagging” for “5 minutes”, I realize it is time to make a change.    As a single mother, I wondered “how can I get my time and still provide quality time with my children”.  Do I really need 5 minutes?  Do I need to step it up and accept that as a single mom, there is no such thing as a 5 minute break?  There has to be a comfortable way to balance both right?

So here are my thoughts…  During any given day/night, I may feel the anxiety kick in and I feel the “urge” for a little quiet time.  I have found that ignoring my need for a “moment” results in a feeling of complete shutdown when bedtime finally arrives.  I realize there is a reason that I am feeling this way and I need to step back and take a moment to “regroup”.   But how do I manage to get the time?

I have decided to organize one hour a night of complete “activity” time.  This is the time when I pull out coloring books, school refresher activities, and clay (no video games, no television, no talking).   Both of them have a goal to complete the tasks set before them and prepare to present their masterpieces.  What do I do during this time?  I sit on my screened in porch, chat on the phone, or just sit and ponder on the day’s challenges and adventures. 

The first night was full of “how”, “when”, and “can you explain again”.  However, by day two; they were prepared and off and completing their tasks.  Everyone is happy and I haven’t requested “5 minutes” in over 48 hours!!!  Not only am I feeling less anxiety, but my two favorite people have built masterpieces that will be displayed around the house for years.

So in Keeping it REAL, use your creativity to find your quiet time.   After all, we all need “5 minutes” but we shouldn’t have to ask for it….  Build into your daily schedule and soon you will find that your 5 minutes turns into a time of the day that both you and your children look forward too!  Happy Friday and I hope everyone is able to find their hidden “5 minutes”…

Old Soul.....

So this weekend was busy as usual, but we managed to make it through with only a few bumps and bruises.  By Sunday, everyone was completely run down (including me) and we found ourselves sitting on the sofa just watching the typical Disney channel favorites.

When it was time for bed, I first tucked in my little princess and then found myself sitting in my son’s room chatting about the weekend.  He talked of the fun he had at his Grandpa’s house and the thrill of getting to spend time with his good friend.  He then went on to ask me if I had fun.  I, of course; said that I had a great weekend and leaned over to give him a hug.  Then he said it…  “Mom, I want you to find someone to spend your life with”.

I was a little surprised and quickly responded that I have two beautiful children and that is ALL I need.  However, he didn’t stop there.  He began to explain that he wanted someone to do things with.  He said he wanted someone that enjoyed the same things that his “mom” enjoys.  He looked at me and said “I want to see you laugh and I want to see them laugh back”.   

I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.  We have always referred to my son as having an “old soul”.  He seems so much more advanced in his thoughts then a typical 9 year old.   At this moment, I felt more and more like that statement is true.  I just couldn’t imagine having those thoughts or ideas when I was 9 years old. 

I sat for moment and thought about what he said and how to respond.  I looked at him and instantly saw the sincerity in his words.  I knew that I must be totally honest and not hold back because if I did, we may not have these conversations in the future. 

My answer to my son…  I am not ready.  I explained to him that my focus at this time in life is to rebuild and energize our current family dynamic.  I told him that I love him too much to make those types of decisions too quickly.  I explained that he has plenty of people surrounding him that make me laugh and that the most enjoyable laughter for me comes from the mouths of my children.

I soon saw the smile that I love so much.  The smile from my first born and the smile that reminds me that everything is going to be OK. I gave him a kiss and tucked him in for the night.  Just as I was putting out his light, he makes one last statement…”Mom, I still want you to find someone”.  I responded with a laugh and a goodnight…

I found myself sitting in bed reading emails and wondering if he is an “old soul” or just more analytical then most.  I found myself smiling at how unselfish his thoughts were today.  I realized that through it all, he is learning to think of others and cherish time together.   What an amazing little man….

So in Keeping it REAL, even at age 9; they sense that something is “missing”.  As said in previous posts, it is important to communicate, communicate, and communicate.  I am lucky that my son shared his feelings and I am even luckier that I had the chance to explain mine.  Talk to your children and make sure they understand and feel confident in expressing how they feel!!!  And to the other single mothers out there…they are watching your every move, expression, and (most importantly) reaction.  It is important to talk through the ups and downs of life.  Be honest but not detailed and always end any conversation with a “GREAT BIG HUG”!  Happy Monday…Can’t wait to get home with my two favorite little people.

Can I spend the night….

It has been a long week with work, camps, and Bible School.  The kids have truly been going strong and they have enjoyed every minute of it.  As the night came to an end, I found myself chatting with a mother of one of the girls that my daughter adores.  She asked if I let my daughter “spend the night” at other people’s homes.  I started rambling about her staying at my sisters and my moms, but that I hadn’t let her stay at a friend’s house yet.  We soon moved the conversation to scheduling a play date.

On the way home, my daughter brought up the idea of staying at her friend’s house.  I was actually shocked that the “little ears” were listening to our conversation.  I started to explain that I didn’t think she was ready.  After all, she is only six.  She started begging and promising that she would be good.  We soon found ourselves at the house, and she redirected her attention to checking on her animals.

That night, I tucked both my son and daughter in bed and settled down to a good book.  However, my mind wasn’t able to focus on the book. I kept thinking about “when is a good age to allow a sleepover?”  Is it my unwillingness to “let go” or is she really “not ready”?

I soon found myself on google searching for the “correct” age to allow sleepovers.  The postings and suggestions were all over the place from 4 to 9 years of age.  There were postings venting concern about “do you really know these people” to “parental anxiety from letting go”.  I kept reading and reading all the information I could find.   Then I found the one comment made by a parent….

She referenced the memories she had from sleepovers from eating popcorn to the “calling of the spirits”.  She talked of the memories and the laughter that she remember of her first sleepover at the age of 6.  She talked of confidence and diversity and the pure entertainment. 

I sat for a moment and thought of the “sleepovers” that I participated in...  Sure, there were moments of disagreement; but overall it was a time that I have not forgotten.  I too remember the laughter, the story telling, and the pure joy in sleeping next to my best friend.  I remember staying up late and being completely exhausted the next day.  I remember it being a memory of a “lifetime”.

So my decision in regards to the question “Can I spend the night”....  The answer is “YES”. I will be selective in who she can stay with, but I know that building a lifetime of “memories” is much more valuable than my “anxiety” of her not being at our home.

So in Keeping it REAL, pick your “sleepovers” carefully…  Make sure the first time is with someone that will help in building memories of a lifetime.  Don’t hold your children back just because of your personal “anxiety”.  Let them “live”…  Let them build memories like we have from our childhood!!!  Happy Friday…