Always COMPARING......

After a long weekend of lawn work, kid activities, and house cleaning, I found myself completely exhausted on Monday night.  I guess eventually it catches up with you when you try to do it ALL!  It could also be the fact that I have lots of “junk” swarming my head (don’t worry Bestie..I didn’t forget to take it).  My thought for the night before I went to sleep was about comparing. My question of the day to myself was “will I always compare other men to my ex husband?”

I am not sure if this is normal or if it is a deep rooted fear that I will find myself attracted to the same type of personality…  I keep telling myself that this is just because I had spent so much time with him.  However, in reality; I am only comparing the negatives.

I find myself watching their drinking habits and asking “is it excessive” and wonder if they “sit on the couch all day and drink while watching television”.  I even find myself referring to the behaviors of my ex during conversations and get the constant lash back “there you go again, comparing me to him”.  OOPS!  Now, I wouldn’t think much of it, but this has happened on more than one date and more than one occasion. 

The final issue came last night when I referred to my ex’s other “behaviors”.  I found that any conversation related to intimacy suddenly turned me into “stone”.   Is it that I am not ready for that type of conversation or am I again..fearing the worst (another freak).  The conversation soon ended and I was off and running with blinders on and a decision to “not have these conversations again”. 

Now, the big question to myself..”Can I get past it? Will I ever move on?”  Of course, this will be the unanswered question that will probably leave me single for a long time.  But, I did come up with another “plan”.  And we all LOVE my plans…

So going forward, no more comparison to the ex, I am going to compare to “me”.  That IS the answer.  After all, I want to be with someone who likes to do the same things as me right?  So I am going to work on changing the negatives into positives.  I am going to look at what they have that is similar to me.  So here goes my wish list:

Enjoys being outside and staying busy

Believes that children should not be exposed to the drinking of “something”

Enjoys an adult night out (just not every night)

Enjoys making people happy (not all about “me” syndrome)

Loves my friends and wants to spend time with them (cause they aren’t going anywhere)

Enjoys 4wheeling and go kart racing (and wants the partner to be a part of it)

Is honest, to a fault (Tell the truth!)

Wants a best friend and not just a “partner”

Never says “no” (we all know what that is referring too)

Self sufficient and has a good job (I can’t afford to be the purse this time)

So there is the beginning of a work in progress.  I am sure I will add to it as I venture out in the wild and crazy dating scene next winter. (Yup, gonna take a break and focus on my “home”)  I also think that I need to do some soul searching and reflect on the last 5 months of the dating crazies.  I have treated this whole experience like riding a bike. You have to fall a few times before you find your balance.  I think I have now found my “balance” but need a break to let the bruises heal.

So in Keeping it REAL, as with riding a bike; don’t be afraid to try.  Make sure you focus on the bike (the person of interest) and your balance (your list of wants).  It may not be balance that is causing the fall; it might be that you are trying to ride a bike that is not the right fit for you!  Get UP, dust yourself off, and try again…  The bruises will heal and when you find the perfect “bike”, you will never want to stop riding the trail of life…  Happy Tuesday!