Circle of Furry Friends....

So far, it has been a good week in regards to being a “mother”.  We have been struggling with behavioral issues and I finally decided it was time to “take back control”.  I had such a hard time with the decision to start enforcing restrictions because I felt that the children had been through so much already.  I soon found that they thrive in an environment that includes structure and consistency in all aspects of their daily life.  I think they are finally getting it and I found that the “outbreaks” are less and less each week.

Last night was another one of those nights where I watched my daughter play and sing.  My son was busy playing his video games (which he just received back from a two week restriction).  They both seemed so happy.  It was soon time for bed and I told my daughter to gather up and get ready. 

She agreed with minimal resistance and asked if she could sleep with her stuffed animals.  I told her “of course” and off she went to get her favorites (I won’t even tell you how many she has..ugh!)  I could still hear her singing as she made her decision.

When she came back to lay down, she had 7 stuffed animals. I watched her as she gathered them up and one by one, she built a circle around her with the stuffed animals.  She then crawled inside the circle of furry friends and lay down to prepare for a night of rest. 

I was puzzled by the way she organized her animals and curiosity got to me.  I found myself asking her “why are all your animals in a circle”.  She then looked at me and said “no one can get me if I am inside my circle of friends”.  At that point, I felt somewhat nauseated because I could not imagine being 6 years old and fearing that someone might get me.  I remember living “carefree” and feeling completely naïve to the bad in the world.  I had to continue the conversation…

I then asked who she was scared of and she started to ring her hands and said “the crazy men”.  Now, I could go into a million directions with this; but I won’t. I am only going to take on the part that is my responsibility and assume my words may have caused some of this.  Do I talk too much about men being “jerks”, “untrusting”, “worthless”, or just full of “untruths”?  Did someone scare her in the past?  Is this why she doesn’t talk to any of my friends that are men?  Does she watch the news too much?

I tried to reassure her of her safety.  I reminded her that “mommy protects her”. I also told her that anything she is feeling uncomfortable about she should tell me.  She just looked at me with those big beautiful blue eyes and said “Nope”.   She then did her typical snuggle up and fell fast asleep in the safety of my arms and her circle of furry friends….

So in Keeping it REAL, we are moving fast and furious towards counseling for my little girl.  I need to focus on rebuilding her confidence and trust in me.  I also am going to work, work, and work some more on not saying negative things about men.  I often forget that little ears only listen to what you don’t want them too.   As for my advice to those single moms out there, don’t forget to take time to watch your child play.  You might learn something new and it might open a door to the opportunity to really know your child in regards to their strengths, weaknesses, fears, and desires….  Happy “Hump” Wednesday!