Strength in Numbers….

After some much pressure, I have decided to go back to attending church.  I really enjoyed going every Sunday and the kids seem to really bond with everyone.  At first, it was hard to hold my head up.  I am sure living in a small town, word has gotten out about my divorce to include: why, when, and who’s next….  We have now been attending again for about a month. It was hard the first time, but after that I realized how welcoming the church was/is and that no one was showing signs of “judgment”.  I   believe they were truly happy to see us again.

So this past Sunday, we went to Sunday school and then my daughter and her class were singing for the congregation during church.  I was nervous on how she would do, since in groups she rarely speaks.   However, I was shocked she sang loud and proud! I am still puzzled by how her shyness goes away during school and church.  I am sure, at some point; it will all come out in counseling but for now..I am just so PROUD!

Anyway, as church progressed; they had the children time with the Pastor.   He had in his hand, one pencil.  He asked who was the strongest out of the children.  He then asked one of them to break the pencil.  She successfully broke the pencil and he then handed her a pile of pencils and said “now try and break this”.  She laughed and said she could not break it.  He then slipped a piece of metal down in the center of the pile of pencils and said “how about now”.  Everyone in unison said “NO”.

I look over at my daughter and her eyes are growing bigger as she listens.  She is amazed by the conversation.  I then look at my son and he, of course; is still trying to break the pile (gotta love the boy in him).  The Pastor finally comes in with the ultimate statement..I don’t remember his exact words, but I will never forget the lesson learned.  You see..If you are one, you can be broken but if you are a group with God’s love you are unbreakable.  He continued to talk of safety in numbers, family in numbers, and strength in numbers.  

I remember looking at my daughter and getting goose bumps.  I saw her take it all in and I realized that there were fears that she held deep inside. Fears that she didn’t feel in church or at school..  Fears that she may never share with me, but she is struggling to overcome on her own.  I can only pray that one day, she will realize that life can be “safe” and that she will share those “fears” with me.

I have my struggles with the belief in a “God”. I often believe if there was such a “God”, why doesn’t he help me find my place or guide me. Why have I had to endure such crazy behaviors and relationships in life? Why doesn’t he “save me”.

I am still struggling on a daily basis and continue to “listen” to the weekly sermons in hopes of finding the “reason” or the “answer”.   I am not willing to give up just yet on my purpose in life.   My life goals may not be the same as they were 5, 4, or even 3 years ago, but who does still have the same goals?   I am still in search of the “unknown” and hope that in my journeys that I might find “God” was with me and had it planned out all along….

So in Keeping it REAL, it doesn’t matter if you believe in “god” or any other spiritual being.  What matters is that you believe in you and your “group”.  Relating back to the story during the childrens’ sermon, we are weak when we stand alone.  We are easily broken as “one”.  However, as a group; we are unbreakable and able to conquer any obstacles that come our way.   Remember to trust in those worth trusting and put your “faith” in them to help you become “unbreakable”.  Happy Monday!!!