So this weekend was busy and I didn’t totally get my wish of “more time”, but I tried my best to take advantage of every minute. We had horseback riding lessons, grocery store, and father visit on Saturday. So it was a crazy day! Sunday was calmer with me cooking dinner for my mother and kids, watching movies, and SLEEP!
I think I was completely exhausted by Sunday night and found myself reflecting on the kids visit with their dad. I will say after 15 years, I know him pretty well and unfortunately have his actions/behaviors pegged. Saturday was a little different. He showed up for his visit and brought the kids some chocolate and flowers for me. I guess he could tell that I was not impressed because I quickly turned to my daughter and said “look daddy brought you flowers”. He looked shocked but I kept a “neutral” look on my face.
Now for some background as to why I did this. We have now managed to get through a Christmas and both of their birthdays. Each holiday receiving the same phone call from their dad saying “I don’t have money to get them anything. I feel so bad. Can you make sure they understand?” Each time, I have had a discussion with them and they were totally “OK” with it. They are such great kids. I also want to note that I do NOT get child support and agreed to this based on my getting full custody.
If you are a mother then you will truly understand. At the moment he gave me the flowers, I thought of the children. What went through my head went like this “I can’t believe he would come in here with a gift for me when he has done nothing for the kids. I can’t accept this and wish that he would have done something for them”. So that is why I turned quickly and acknowledged that they were for the kids. I could not let them remember that moment any other way.
As the visit progressed, he came inside to justify the flowers. He said “I got you those flowers because you are a good mother”. This was my opportunity… I responded with “I wish you would save your 8.00 and make good with the kids”. He looked surprised. I then finished it off with…they are the ones that you should be making peace with, not me. I am not sure he got it, nor do I care; but I felt better in saying it.
I have always been the type to hold back and let things “fester”. I wait until they come to a breaking point and then I explode. I am proud to say that I handled this situation better than I would have in the past. I was calm and I expressed how I felt. As my bestie would say “I just keep growing everyday”. Whether he ever learns or listens is now his issue. His life decisions are now his and he will have to live with the consequences as a result of the path he has chosen.
So in Keeping it REAL, when it comes to your children; don’t hold back! You only have one chance to raise them and they will behave in the manner that they observe others behaving. Teach them to express their feelings and then “move on”. After all, “we spend our entire life recovering from our childhood experiences”. Let’s try and make their recovery as easy as possible. And a final wish to my ex, I wish you would find enough love for your children. I wish you would find enough love for yourself. I wish you would put down the beer and find enough love for life……. We only live once and if you don’t remember living..what is the point! Oh Monday..welcome back!
No comments:
Post a Comment