Fear of the doctor..

Last night was a long night because my little girl decided to get sick.  I could tell as the night progressed that she had a fever and knew that today would be a difficult day.  I woke her up early and started the conversation about getting well so we could have a good weekend.  I told her that I thought it was just sinuses and she needed to go to the doctor.  I saw the fear in her eyes as I left for work.  This was a hard moment because deep down I wished that I could take her in my arms and protect her when she went.  However, today was a meeting day at work and I just couldn’t miss.  

I know it seems silly, but the fear of doctors seems to run in my family.  My sister still has severe anxiety over doctor appointments.  My daughter’s issues all started with a throat test (just like my sister). It seems like every time she goes for a “sick visit”, she has to have a strep test.  At one point, she even bled after having the test administered.  I feel so sorry for her and wish that I could help her overcome her fear.

The doctor’s appointment turned out to be worse than expected. My daughter was so nervous that she was ringing her hands and her heart was going a mile a minute.  She sat calmly and waited for the doctor, but my mom said “she looked so nervous sitting there waiting”.  The doctor came in, took a look, and instantly grabbed for that darn throat test.  She started to whimper and beg not to have it.  At that moment, the doctor called for a nurse.  Mom knew what was next and convinced her to do the test willingly so they wouldn’t hold her down. If you know anything about this process, it is HORRIBLE.  They hold the child down and then pinch their nose so they are forced to open their mouth. (And we wonder why she is scared of the doctor office)  He performed the test and when it was done; my daughter was a bundle of anxiety.  She let out a sound and swung at my mother (once).  This is when it got inappropriate….

The doctor walked over and reprimanded her (I am ok with this).  He then proceeded to say that this behavior has become common practice for my daughter and that she was spoiled.  He said “she is going to go to school one day and hit someone”.  Now, I am not sure how anyone can gauge a child’s true personality by their behavior in a doctor’s office.  I mean is school really consistent of shots, jabs, feels, and lab work? No, it is not! 

It took every bit of my being to not pick up the phone (and some texting from my bestie) and tell him what I thought.  Instead, I am taking a deep breath.  I am relieved that my daughter does have strep and is getting medication.  I am relieved that my daughter is sleeping comfortable at home (not throwing punches at her stuffed animals). I am relieved that I was not able to attend that doctor’s appointment (because I would have told him what I really thought).  What am I going to do???

As always, I am going to post my advice to this so called wonderful doctor…  So in Keeping it REAL, to the doctor (I have a list):

The Never:

Never lay judgment if you don’t have kids (contrary to your belief this is not like raising a dog)

Never judge if you DON’T know a person’s situation

Never use the word “spoiled” when you refer to a child (behavioral issue, anxiety, or stress come to mind)

Never have conversations about a child with someone that is NOT the child’s parent

The Always:

Always observe the child and help in reassuring them (it was clear she was scared)

Always commend the child for completing the task with a “next time” statement

Always communicate with the PARENT about any concerns that you may have (not the grandmother)

And my lesson learned…  I am going to be seeking out a new doctor (A doctor that will work with my daughter to overcome her fears).  I will also go home and talk to her about what happened today and hope that we can continue to focus on “strength” and “confidence”. I will continue to look forward and hope that I can teach her to do the same.  She is NOT spoiled….she is just a little “broken” right now.  She struggles every day to overcome her fears of people and her shyness of “new environments.  I will remember this and continue to recognize her for working to overcome her fears.    

And to the single moms, there is guilt with divorce.  There is a small window where you try and make it up to your children through gifts, behavior passes, and extra love.  It is O.K. to do but just remember; you eventually have put on your big girl panties and take “control”.  Come on FRIDAY…I miss you!