Feelings of Uncertainty…

Today is one of those days that I wish would pass quickly.  I am sure we all have them, but we definitely feel alone in the emotions.  It doesn’t matter how much you talk it out, it is still there.  It doesn’t matter how much medication you take, it is still there.  It doesn’t matter how much love you receive, it is still there.

I feel overall that these are internal feelings that I need to work out.  I am not sure what is causing them. It might be nerves from all the changes happening around me. It might be the up and coming “schools out” and what do we do for the summer.  It might be that desire to have some fun but the guilt associated with it.  It could also just be the fact that I haven’t had any “porch time” with my bestie in almost two weeks…..or could it be..that dreaded desire for a “normal” relationship.  Oh no, say it isn’t true!  I have always told myself that it wasn’t necessary.  Was I wrong?

So in “venting” for the sake of “venting”, let’s review why it might be that dreaded relationship “thing”.  It has now been 5 months since I attempted the dating scene and I will say that any “good” catch is obviously married, not hanging out in bars, or not hitting the dreaded dating sites.  As I said before, I am NOT looking for a long term (meet my kids) relationship.  So this should be simple. Right?  Wrong! 

I find myself meeting all the wrong men.  I can’t help but be attracted to the dangerously unavailable, fly by romancers, and the incredibly uninterested.  Is this a safety net?  I can feel the smack from my Bestie as I type this.  However, I do want to say that there isn’t much else out there.  So where do I go to meet the man that will pick me up when I drink too much (just kidding), take me to dinner, and stop everything to help me when something goes wrong?  It is a good question and I am not sure there is an answer.  I can only assume they are out there in search of the same thing. I can only hope that when I do meet one, I will see it for what it is and not turn the cheek to speak with another Mr. WRONG. 

So in Keeping it REAL, I am going to slow down for the summer.. No more looking.  I am going to focus on the people that I value the most. I am going to put in more porch time and relax in knowing that I am doing just fine!  As for my advice today to all those single ladies, S-L-O-W down!  Don’t make another mistake while trying to cover up your mistakes from the past.  Remember, set your expectations (yup some are OK) and wait for the one who meets them!  Feeling “uncertain” is OK too, but make sure you confront what is causing it. If you don’t, you will find yourself tumbling out of control and repeating the same mistakes and wishing you had listened to that little voice in your head.

As for today, I am sure my nerves are for all those struggling around me. My thoughts will be with my bestie and her family today and tomorrow..  It is my turn to be her “ROCK”…  Hugs to her! Now let us get this Tuesday behind us!!!