So last night was another “people watching” night. I sometimes wonder if others think I am just extremely unfriendly or if they really get that I am taking it all in. I always find it interesting to watch people and try and guess “what really makes you tick” or “wonder if they have a tragic story”. Then there is those men that wonder the bar looking aimlessly for their next prey (this might just be me and my complete mistrust). Last night was a more mellow night and uneventful, but I still had a moment to sit back and ponder….
I couldn’t help and stop to think when I got home last night. I wonder if they are all truly just looking for a fun night or are they on the ultimate mission of finding Mr. Right or Mrs. Awesome? I wonder if they truly are just looking for just one night of fun and move on. I also wonder about those branding a wedding ring. Are they looking for trouble? Why do they come to a bar? Does their spouse know?
As we sit at the table discussing “life”, we always find ourselves chatting about our ex-husbands/wives. Whether it is the challenges of dealing with them on a day to day basis to the typical….he/she couldn’t stand me when we were together. I often wonder if the bitterness will ever go away or will it only be removed by a better experience. Not really sure, but it does seem to stay with us even after all this time.
Then there are the married men (notice there aren’t any married women joining the table). They sit and listen to the conversation and “vent” about lack of or issues with their wives. Now, this is where I stop and stare..that is correct..I give the “I am listening look”. One person even made a point to acknowledge that he was headed home..to sleep in his favorite spot “the spare bedroom”. This is where I become puzzled. Do men not face issues and attempt to make it better? Do they not see that it is tumbling to the forever doom? Do they just not care enough? Maybe it is just the excitement of getting sympathy. I just don’t truly understand their thought process.
Now, let me first say that I have always been surrounded by good friends that are men. My best friend for years was a man and I always “hung with the guys”. In all honesty, they are a lot of fun and totally less dramatic. They seriously only have one focus in mind and that is to have a good time. From hanging out in the field drinking “something” to shooting pool at the local pool hall, we always had a great time. I never had to deal with “mistrust” or “you hooked up with my man”…LOL We just talked, laughed, consumed, and enjoyed the company. I often miss those days, since marriage killed that one!
I got home last night about 9PM, so I had time to reflect. I have finally figured it out! I put all the past and present experiences together and my “gosh” I got it! (or at least I will pretend like I do) In the past, my “guy friends”, lived in the moment that is why it was so much fun. There were no consequences, no after thoughts, and no second guessing their activities. Now, you put that into a marriage and BAM! Women “overanalyze” every situation (at least most..) Men DON’T! They are truly living in the moment! A good friend of mine (a man of course), once said “stop living in the past and live for today”. Don’t ponder on yesterday and don’t worry about tomorrow. I think this is a true reflection of a man’s thought process. He doesn’t see what is “coming” and doesn’t realize that his actions will affect the future. He lives “now” and deals with the future when it becomes “now”.
So the only question would be how do some marriages work in this environment? Do women agree to change their thought process and work hard to live in the “now”? Do men move closer to seeing the future? This is still the unknown and can only truly be answered by those who have succeeded in having a successful and happy marriage.
So in Keeping it REAL, to all my friends with bitter experiences…try and try hard to “Be Here Now”. To all my friends who are struggling to keep their relationship together.. “For tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today”…two completely different lessons and thoughts and there is a reason why. For those struggling from the past, you have healing to do “now”, so live in the “now”. For those wanting a future with the one they think they love, prepare for your future. After all, you still have a chance to control your destiny. As for me, I am working hard and just living for today……Thursday May 19, 2011!
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