I was pondering what question to ask on Facebook on Friday and decided to make it simple. The question of the day was: “If you could be any age again for one week, what age would it be”. Little did I know that the answer that I thought of on Friday would soon change. Amazing how we don’t realize until we truly stop and have a “moment”. As you know from my previous post from Sunday, I definitely had a moment….
Most responses that I received were ages within the 20’s. Most responded with comments that they would go back to a certain week and make better financial/business decisions based on what they know now. Others basically wanted one week of time before children so they could truly value the time of “unknowing”. I definitely can relate to that! I remember the feeling I had before John was born. I could tell everyone over and over but you wouldn’t believe me until you have a child. There is nothing worse than your own child’s cry/scream. I also had the one person that always just picks a random answer without any thought..”32.5 I just thought is sounds like a good number” I often wonder if he truly just picks a number or just doesn’t want to admit that there is some symbolic or emotional attachment to that age. I continue to try and read people like this but find this “emptiness” in them and worry that maybe they are just so broken that they may never truly be able to trust or communicate. I guess time will tell.. Overall, the majority just wanted to be young...
Now, my answer and why it changed will come as no surprise to those that know and love me. On Friday, I instantly said 21. Sounds good right? I picked this age because I remembered the fun of being officially legal to do anything but still young enough to have fun. I also thought how nice it would be to spend time with my dad again. I often wonder what he would say…. Well, after my dilemma on Sunday; I realize that there is NO WAY I want to go back, not even for even 1 week. As I sat alone at the bar of a local restaurant, I realized that I like exactly where I am now. If I went back, would I change who I was or what I did? How could I? I also realized that at that time, I was very insecure and desperately seeking acceptance. Today, I am who I am and I am proud of what I have become. Today, I realize that the only person that has to accept me..is me! So my answer is 38 and moving…. I would turn down the opportunity even if it was just for a week…. I never want to go back. I want to keep moving forward into the unknown. Wishing for great things for my children and hoping that I will someday find peace in all that I have accomplished. As always, I am just “Keeping it REAL” and I hope that you will too…
I'm loving the blog Kristen! Reminds me of our good conversations at work oh so long ago. :-)
ReplyDeleteTo your FB post, I replied 24 - because it was always a time I remembered and enjoyed. I had enough money & independence with few responsibilities and just had fun! I still stand by that answer - but left out the long answer b/c it was FB.
At some point in the past few years - I think I learned the same thing you did. It put a new perspective on many things in my life, and made me excited for the future.
....but partying it up like a 24 year old still holds some appeal!