Lost and Found....

School is out and I still find myself searching the “Lost and Found”.  However, this is not the one outside the principal’s office.  This is the one that hides deep within.  The only difference you ask?  Today I am lost and still searching for the “found” location in hopes that the answer will be there.

As I continue to talk my way through life as a single mom, I often find myself making decisions and at that exact moment realizing that those decisions will result in a second attempt or complete failure.  I often wonder if my children sense the victory of life’s obstacles or if they even notice that I am completely “defeated” and struggling to get my grounding again.

Today is one of those “reflection” days.  Today is a day where I sit and ponder on my “decisions”, my “circle”, and my “future”.  I wonder if the path that I am following is the correct path for me and what the future will look like. I wonder what my children are thinking and if they feel “complete” in the current family dynamic.  I wonder if my career is really going in the direction that will lead to happiness or am I just “treading” for a paycheck.  Today is THAT day….

I am not sure what triggered this “turn of events” or if it is completely normal to feel “lost” on occasion. It might have been a conversation with a friend last night or could just be a passing moment.  I am struggling to step back and re-group, but I find myself falling back on those “situations” that are not healthy for me.  I find myself living two lives….the one that is a provider, mother, and friend, and then there is the OTHER one…the one that wants to be wild, adventurous, and SINGLE.  Now we all know that those two personalities cannot “mix” and that is where the challenge begins!  Is it a healthy to walk through life switching between two pairs of shoes?  Can I continue segregating my life between “Ms Responsible” and “Ms Adventurous”? At what point do the two people merge and become a content and satisfied “me”?

So in Keeping it REAL, I am definitely finding that “me” is very lost.  It is another one of those days where I need to sit back and think about what “me” is today and how to get to the “me” that has been hiding for so long.  As for my advice, it is the same advice I give every time I am lost…Keep searching and trust your instinct and then your heart…..  Looking forward to spending time in the “backyard”!