It has been a busy weekend. We swam in our new pool, cooked out on the grill, and enjoyed the “family” time. This weekend was a true “reality” check for me. I realize now that all my feelings of “uncertainty” were just a phase in life. I am sure I will feel it again, but for now it is gone. I always amaze myself in the way that I can talk myself out of doing things but I cannot talk myself out of my insecurities and uncertainties. It usually takes a smack from a friend or family member for that.
I went into the weekend thinking that life is getting harder and not easier. I was discouraged that in my search for someone to do fun things with like: dinner, movies, or just talking, I found myself back at square one. I really didn’t think it would be that hard to find a “friend with benefits”. So what snapped me out of my funk this weekend?
It all started with the new pool. My sister and her husband came over and helped put it together and we were soon filling it up for fun times! I sat back and watched my kids laugh and enjoy the activities and then it happened. I am sitting in my chair enjoying a diet soda and my son walks up to me. He says “Mom, you are the greatest mom in the world. I know you are the only mom that I have, but I just know you are the best. You always try to make everyone happy and I love to see you smile”.
At that moment, I felt all my uncertainties unfold. I realized by looking into his eyes that life is not about a movie, a fancy dinner, or a male companion. I realized that life is about quality time, activities, and socials with those that you care about. I realized that in my efforts to point out my failures as a wife, mother, family member, and friend I let my insecurities and uncertainties cloud all the good. I realized at that moment all I needed in life was in my backyard.
I sat back and watched as my children played with friends in the pool. I reflected on the fun we had putting up the pool with my sister and her husband. I sat back and listened to a good friend tell her stories of life being single and finding Mr. Wonderful. I laughed as we tried to teach the kids how to roast marshmallows on the fire pit. I chatted on the phone with my mother about our crazy weekend. I jumped in the ice cold water to teach my daughter how to swim. I talked to “bestie” for a few minutes about her day. I snuggled while watching a movie with my favorite little people. Finally, I curled up for bed and smiled as I reflected on the wonderful weekend.
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