Self Sabotage….

So yesterday was a typical Monday filled with traffic, the brutal weekly meeting, and the backyard disaster.  So let me just vent it out for today and hope that Tuesday (today) is a better one!  So the work “stuff”, I can deal with and we can move on.  The backyard drama….well let me just say I am not friends with the local “yellow jackets” and my foot is still hurting from their attack.  However, it was the “self sabotage” that kept me thinking last night….

So here is the deal…I tend to ask the questions that I don’t want the answer.  Do we all do that?  My bestie calls it “self sabotage”.  I even wonder why I do it.  I know at some point, we all ask a “self sabotaging” question, but the severity with me seems to go deep.  An example of harmless questions would be “does this make my butt look big?”.  Now, you can see, as well as anyone; that your butt is just standing out there…but you ask anyway. Right?  And the answer you really want to hear is “no, you look great”.  Right?  This is what we call “self sabotage”. You are seeking out the negative response when you are really hoping for a positive. 

With me, I take it to the next level and for those that know me..that is not a surprise.  I tend to ask those “fishing” questions that lead to an answer that I don’t really want to hear.  Then, it hits me.  The reality check and the answer that I really didn’t want is revealed and I am disappointed. 

Last night was a little different; I started my “self sabotaging” and got the silence.  I think for once in my life, there might be someone who has figured out my game.  Someone who is completely honest and realizes that any answer is the wrong answer and silence is the only solution.  I am not sure if I made them mad, but found myself dwelling on my stupidity.  I know that the questions were ones that I had no right to ask.  I also realized that he had no reason to answer.  So the best response and the one I deserved is exactly what I got,”silence and end of conversation”. 

As I sat and dealt with my bee sting, it hit me and I felt completely in the wrong.  I quickly sent a note that said “I am sorry for what I said”.  I don’t even know if he really knows what I was apologizing for but I received the answer that I needed “No Problem”.   

It feels good to acknowledge the “wrong” and make it “right”.  I know I am a “work in progress” and I know why I do it.  In this situation, we are just friends and I have no right to question who, when, where, and why and asking doesn’t change the relationship.  So today, I am going to step back, reassess, and hope that I am forgiven.

In Keeping it REAL, if you are asking…you may already know the answer deep down. The reality is that you will probably either get the false “positive” response you are looking for (untruth) or the “negative” response that you fear.  Live for today and follow your gut and your heart.  My guess is…you already know the answer, you are just hiding from it..   

Life is good in the Backyard....except when you don't wear shoes through the clover patch...

Happy Tuesday!