A New Year.....

It has been a crazy roller coaster of a year.  I found myself anxiously awaiting 2012 and hoping for it to be “my year”.  I planned a fun “kid friendly” New Years Eve event.   I baked cookies, made dips, bought crackers and cheese, and complimented it with 3 bottles of sparkling Grape Juice. It was a planned exit of a year of many obstacles and changes…  It was an opportunity to make a wish for a better year.

As I sat with friends watching the children blow obnoxious horns while running around the house, I had a moment of reflection.  I realized that it wasn’t a year of total loss.  I realized it was exactly the year that I needed.  It was a year of building their confidence in a new family dynamic.  It was a year of gaining good friends and losing those that weren’t strong enough to hold on.  It was an emotional year that has brought us all to New Years Eve surrounded by friends, child laughter, and an eagerness of what is in store for us in 2012. But it wasn’t until the last hour, that I realized how valuable this year has been..  It wasn’t until my analytical “little man” spoke up on his wish for 2012.

As we sat in bed talking of the fun night (my daughter fast asleep way before 12am), my son looks at me and says those amazing words.  “Mom, I love you”.  I looked at him and smiled and the look on my face showed that I wanted to hear more.  He took that moment to tell me how special our vacation together has been.  He thanked me for the scheduled play dates, the cool microphone…and then he brought me to tears.  He thanked me for allowing his father and family to come to our house for a Christmas visit.  He rambled on about how hard it must have been for me and that he loved me so much for making such a sacrifice.  I smiled and reminded him that I would do anything for a smile from my two favorite people and that sometimes you have to put the hurt aside and focus on what is right.  He then said he has a “wish” for me.  He wished that I would find someone that loves me as much as he does...I, of course; responded with “that is impossible”. 

That night brought back a reminder about how far I have come.  I may not be strong, but I am no longer weak.  I may not be confident but I no longer display constant self doubt.  I may not have found my soul mate, but I have found me…  And that shows success baby step style in 2011.

So in Keeping it REAL, a wise preacher once said “you can only truly heal when you have forgiven”.  I may not have found forgiveness quite yet, but I have found the determination to do what is right.  If you are divorced or separated, take the time to work towards forgiveness.  As you take those baby steps towards healing..you will show your children that life is not always about fighting, getting even, or staying apart.  You will show them that even in the most challenging of times, we are all capable of doing what is right. As for me, I am going into 2012 with only one simple wish.  A wish for strength and encouragement, so that I can teach my son to always look ahead, to always dream, and to be the best person a woman could ever “wish” for.  Happy New Years!