Spring Cleaning...Delete Style

Yesterday was a long day at work and then I found myself watching Tangled with my two wonderful children.  As always, I found myself watching this fairytale and wondering..Why do we do this to our children?  When was the last time you or someone you know was swept off their feet in complete “love”, dies, and then a small tear of sadness brings them back.  I mean what are we teaching here?  We all know that can’t happen. Right? (for those who haven’t seen it yet, no surprises)

As I watched the end of the movie (in tears), I thought of what reality really is for my children. I felt sadness as I remembered the first time I realized that “men don’t sweep anyone off their feet” (unless you are standing in front of the TV that is displaying football, Nascar, basketball, etc.) I wondered if I should bust the bubble now or let them figure it out. 

Then there is my son.  I swear I am going to “delete” the bad habits of prior men and teach him to be a wonderful person and a perfect partner.  But reality is that my son is destined to fall in the typical man syndrome as his behaviors are already focused only on video games and TV.  He has already developed selective hearing (and he has chosen to select me out).  If given the choice, he makes the wrong decision.  He only thinks of the impact to him and figures “she will get over it”. Sound familiar?  It does to me!  I am determined that I will not give up….  I guess my only worry is that it is in the “hormones” and not a learned behavior.  I guess time will tell.

As for my daughter, she is going to be just like her mother (I am going to fight this one too).  She loves the “bad” boys and the more they push the harder she pushes back.  She is as determined as I was that she can still compete and beat them.  But I also see that look in her eye, the look of a girl that finds the challenge exciting.  Oh my, I am going to have my hands full!  I hope I can also teach her that the nice guys end up with the money.  Just kidding!  I hope she searches deep for the soul that best works with hers. 

So at this point, I am sure you are wondering where I am going with this?  It all started when I was watching a sitcom and they were discussing cell phone contacts.  Both of the women had men in their contacts that they dated months/years ago.  I thought about it and grabbed my phone.  I started to laugh because in the last 15 years of having my cell phone, I have removed many people. Mostly due to the divorce and separation of friends, but I can say the list got smaller.  However, there was ONE number that was still there.  I laughed so hard because I can say it has been deleted, re-added, deleted, and then added on several occasions in the last 2 months.   He IS the bad boy! He is distracted, non-committal, immature, and lacks communication.  A COMPLETE mystery to me!    Do I save it for those moments that I have drank too much of “something”?  Am I hoping he will call? Is it the challenge to tame the wild man?  I mean this is not someone that I would bring home to meet the family.  So what keeps him in my contacts and on my mind? 

I know the reason I don’t delete him…  I know it is merely because I can’t have him…  So what am I doing at this very moment?  I am lingering over the “delete button” attempting to build the courage to remove the temptation.  This time, I will not add him back!

So in Keeping it REAL, if you want to grow, you have to start following your head and not your heart.  Teach your children to be good and honest (break the silence).  Find the new  YOU and begin building stronger friendships with those that are valuable and distance from those that are a challenge.    It is OK to delete people from your contacts and your life.  If they are not worthy of your time, why waste the precious moment that you are given? 

“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be”- Quote by Ellen Burnstyn

This weekend was a busy weekend.  It started out with my daughter’s birthday on Friday.  We celebrated and then, per her request; she was off to her Aunt’s house for a sleep over.  My sister loves to take the kids and spend time with them.  I often wonder if it is her form of birth control.  Once she returns them, I am sure she is ready to crash for 24 hours. 

Anyway, this marked the 2^nd time in 9 years that I have had my entire house to just me!  I pondered on what to do.  Do I go out?  Do I have someone over?  Do I go out?  Do I go to my besties house?  Do I go out?  I am sure you get the point. As I drove back home alone, I thought over my options.  I guess my age was coming through because I decided to go home. I figured this would be a great opportunity to move my turtles to their new tank and fidget around the house.  I figured if anyone wanted to hang out with me bad enough, they would come to me (so now we really know it was going to be an alone night).

I struggled to move the table from my basement to the family room to hold the tank.  I squealed and moaned as I struggled to carry in the new 50 gallon tank (that was awkward to say the least).  I got everything setup and ready to go, then came the moment of moving the turtles to the new tank.  I stopped and stared at them for a few minutes and thought “oh heck no!”  The turtles have grown so much that I know longer think of picking them up as a remedial task. This was a true ADVENTURE!  For one quick moment, I thought “who can I call to do this?”  “Would my neighbor help me?” 

Then I stopped and pulled myself together, I mean really?  I have birthed two children.  Need I say more?  I reached in and grabbed the first one.  The legs were flailing like a…umm “turtle out of water”.  I kept telling myself “focus focus” as I ran to the new tank and quickly dropped the female into the water.  I then went back for the “Big Guy”.  That’s correct; the male is twice the size of the female.  UGH!  I reach in and grab him and to my surprise, he tucks in his shell and hides.  YA ME!  I did it!

The turtles are now safely in their new habitat. I cleaned up (since all the drama left me covered in dirty turtle water) and reached for the celebration bottle of “something”. I sat on the couch, watched Dateline, and drank the entire bottle of “something”.  It was at that moment that I realized that being alone does not mean you are lonely.  Sure, I talked to myself throughout the night, but I never once felt the need to have someone with me.  I was 100% enjoying the time alone.  This leads me to my quote of the day:

 “What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be”- Quote by Ellen Burnstyn

In Just Keeping it REAL, there comes a time in your life when you realize that your favorite person is “me” and that sometimes it is nice to be alone with just “me”.  I am lucky that I found “me” and enjoy the “me” that I have become.  I hope that each of you will take the alone time and find the true satisfaction in just being “me”.  Until you do, you will never find the “us” that you yearn for.  Happy Monday!

School field trips can be entertaining….

I decided at the last minute to take the day off yesterday and attend my son’s field trip.  I usually dread the bus ride (2hrs) since we all know that kids cannot stay seated or quiet for any length of time.  With the exception of the cold weather, the trip was a lot of fun and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. 

My son can be somewhat distracted and easily fascinated with not listening, but as I journeyed on this trip, I realized that he is pretty mellow.   I have a new appreciation for teachers, as I struggled to maintain 4 boys and not lose anyone in the process.  It was like constantly counting your chickens expecting to find that one had wondered off.

As I sat last night thinking about the day, I found myself laughing out loud at some of the things that the children said.  Let me first say that times have definitely changed!  I would have never said some of the things that these children say.  Not that it was bad, it was just more “open” then I remember.  So, for my blog today, I have decided to share some of the humor.  First let me say, even in third grade they still seem to be fascinated with bodily functions. I often wonder when that will slow down (might be never for boys).  So here we go…  The top 10 funny things that were said on the field trip:

10- I will eat anything.  Drop your sandwich on the ground.  I will pick it up and eat it dirt and all

9- Girls are everywhere.  When I grow up, I plan to introduce myself to all of them

8- I bet I can lick this quarter and make it stick to someone’s face

7- My mother said that I have to be good today, but if you don’t tell..I won’t

6- My favorite part of the trip was the dung depository.  How great is it that you can collect all your dung in one place

5- If you buy me a bag of candy, I promise that I won’t set any alarms off

4- Don’t tell, but I can spell dirty words

3- You are my other mom.  The mom that doesn’t react when I do something bad.  Can I move in with you?

2- I have to go to the bathroom. I will be at least 15 minutes, because it is a number 2 and I have to think about it for awhile

Now the best one needs to stand out on its own.  And of course, it came from my son.  As we stood in line waiting for our tour, the crowd became a little packed in.  My son looked at me and said “Mom, I am constipated”. I looked at him in surprise and wondered why in the world he would tell me that while we are standing here.  He then proceeds to explain. “Ya know, I feel like my space is limited and I can’t get my breath.”  It then hit me and I broke into laughter.  I said “You mean claustrophobic”. He looked with surprise and said “oh?  So what is constipated”? All the boys stop and looked at me anticipating my answer. I realized that none of them knew what it meant to be constipated.  So, I explained and at that moment, I realized that this was another “bodily function” fun word for them.  I then found myself surrounded by four boys that all felt the need to inquire as to when, where, and how something may have been constipated. So again, I wonder if boys/men ever really grow out of the pleasure they find in discussing their bodily functions.  

All in all, the boys were wonderful and I enjoyed every minute of watching them interact.  I can’t wait until the next trip because I can only imagine how the comments will become more enhanced as they mature.  So in Keeping it REAL, take the time to participate in your child’s field trip(s).  It will not only teach you more about who they are, it will give you something to chuckle about and share with others when you get home.  Happy Birthday to my little girl who just turned 6…Happy Friday!

Sometime old habits are hard to break….

In the last few days, I have encountered many conversations with my mother about dating and my social activities.  I have found myself back in that 16year old mindset of not being exactly honest.  Now, let me say that I am in no way lying.  I just don’t divulge the entire story.  In our last conversation on the topic, I struggled with the correct answer.  She was very aware that I was doing the match.com dating thing (if you call it dating), but I had not officially notified her of the times that I was going to meet someone or phone chatting.  She had a valid concern that someone needs to know where I am at all times.  You never know when I might pick a crazy guy to meet up with.  I did reassure her that my “bestie” always knows where I am and when I leave.  So I think that gave her a little reassurance.  So this week, I reached out to my FB family and asked the big question… “I am an adult, but I am still hiding_____ from my parent(s).”  I had many come in as private notes since their parent was a friend on their FB site.  I never really thought about that one!  OOOPs!

So once again, I will share with you some of the answers 

 “I have a tattoo”

“I have a piercing” (didn’t dare ask for details of where)

“I am in a same sex relationship” (wonder how Christmas will go this year)

“I went to jail in college for indecent exposure” (Don’t blame you)

“Nothing, they wish I would hide stuff from them” (Bestie, of course!)

Now the last answer I received needed to be put in a league of its own.   I even had a moment of “Oh gosh, what question is he referring to”.   His answer “Blow up dolls, don’t like to share”.  That’s right, always the comic to skew the statistics.  So I can only assume by that response, that he doesn’t withhold much!

As for me, I am still struggling with full disclosure.   I feel that regardless of my age, she is still my mother and I am sure she doesn’t want to hear it all.  So in Keeping it REAL, the majority of us keep secrets from our parents, after all; deep down we still want to be mommies little girl/boy.  Just remember to always have one person that knows where you are at ALL times or travel in numbers.  It is better to be safe then regret being secretive.  Hope everyone is having a Happy Hump Day (Mom- that means Wednesday!)

Another pet in the family brings my first polite rejection…

As many may already know, my daughter loves animals.  She could never have enough and would have a house of creatures (if allowed).  During my in-house separation (which I would never recommend), I felt vulnerable and went crazy buying her the animal of the week.  We now have 2 turtles, 1 frog, 1 guinea pig, 2 cats, and 2 fish. If you think that is crazy, we have already buried 3 hamsters and 3 fish. I am thinking that fish and hamsters are not good pets for our house.  I think since the divorce, I have settled down and find it a little easier to say “no” to another creature.  After all, I am the one feeding and cleaning up after them. 

My daughter’s birthday is this week..and guess what…she wants another animal.  This time, it is a lizard. I am somewhat relieved that she is not begging for a dog.  We really don’t have the time to maintain a puppy with my busy work schedule.  So I started doing my research and found a perfect lizard.  It is called a “leopard gecko”.  I went to the pet store last night to check it out.  As I am looking at the little guys, I think to myself “am I crazy”.  As it is, I was in the pet store to buy a bigger tank for our turtles since they grew like crazy over the last year. Now, here I am thinking about buying another creature.  Just at the moment that I was saying this out loud (Yup, single people talk to themselves in the store), my focus changed.

One of the store employees walks up and notices my super large aquarium, rocks, plants and the conversation begins:

            Employee:  What new pet are you buying today?

            Me:  Oh no, I am just upgrading my tank for my turtles

Employee: I love turtles! I guess your husband has a great deal of work cut out for him setting that up

I then pause for a brief moment and wonder…could this really be happening again?  I look down and think, is it the skirt?

Me: Nope, I am hooking this one up on my own

Employee: Well, if you need help…

At this point, I am just going to cut him off

Me: Well, I might have to get my boyfriend to help move the turtles

            Employee:  Oh, OK

            Me:  Thank you for offering

I did IT!!!  I lied to save someone’s feelings and made the rejection easier on me.  I am not saying it felt great but it definitely felt more comfortable then having to continue the conversation. 

As I drove home, I pondered on what just happened and why.  I am not sure what is going on in the world, but I definitely feel as though people are getting desperate to meet others.   I have worked in retail and I don’t think I would have ever approached a person to find out if they were available. Then again, men are different and seem to hold no “guidelines” when it comes to meeting someone of interest.  I also keep checking my shirt wondering if someone has tagged me as “readily available”. I have been single before marriage and never experienced this. Is it the age?  Is it the economy?  Do I look like a “sugar mama”?  It couldn’t be that I have improved with age!  I know for a fact that wrinkles and dark circles are not becoming on anyone. 

I guess I will just have to accept that it is a change in the dating game.  People are more aggressive and outgoing in their search for that someone special.  I on the other hand, still feel a little old school when it comes to dating.  It seems so much more natural to go to a bar, drink “something”, meet “someone”, and if it leads to an adventure..GREAT!  Well, now that I typed that I am wondering if it is me that is a little “off”.  Meeting someone in a pet store sounds like a better story.  Oh Well! 

So in Keeping it Real.. Have fun and enjoy the attention. Maybe one day, that guy that walks up to talk to you might be someone of interest.  It doesn’t have to be “Mr. Right”.  Why not just enjoy “Mr. Right Now” (bestie quote of the week).  After all, you can’t meet your “Mr. Right” without first experiencing “Mr. No Way”, “Mr. Get a Life”, “Mr. Too Sensitive” and “Mr. Don’t Call Me”.  Once you have experienced all those, you will truly appreciate all that a relationship has to offer…  As for me, I will continue to enjoy the many hilarious and/or thought provoking experiences of 2011!