I had a great weekend getaway with the kids. We spent time hiking and trying (I say that loosely) to get along. The challenge with two children is that they always find a reason or way to disagree. I am sure that many of you know that already if you have two children.
As we ventured out on Saturday for a hike, I stood back taking pictures and enjoyed watching my kids play. I realized at that moment, that I was surviving as a single mom. I never thought it to be possible. I have succeeded in finding my independence and so far have been pretty darn successful at it. I smiled as I chased the kids through the woods to find sticks and laughed as we threw stones in a creek. It was nice and it finally felt “comfortable”. However, I still had that nagging feeling that I might be missing something. Is there really someone for everyone? Aren’t there people that never meet that someone special? Were they content with their life or did they feel like they were missing something? Did their independence come at a price?
When I was finally at my breaking point in my marriage, a dear friend reminded me of what life was going to be like. She said “You must be prepared to live the rest of your life alone”. She had a valid point. The fact that I have minimal social time and two full time children puts me at a disadvantage in the “pool” for interest. But I realized that I couldn’t continue living the way I was living and single life seemed much more appealing after the many downs of married life. So my decision was made and I was off and running “single”.
It has now been almost two years since my decision. Yes, I have had opportunities but none seem to qualify on the “would I introduce them to my kids” questionnaire. This leads me to wonder if there really is someone out there for everyone. I have known several women that have chosen a life of aloneness versus trying their hand at another long term relationship. Believe me, I can understand. There was a point in my life where I would rather use my toothbrush to clean a toilet bowl then endure another relationship. But lately, I sit and feel like something is missing in my life. I wonder if “this is it”. Will my love only go as far as my children and is that enough to last me my lifetime? Is it a relationship that I am missing or is it the intimacy that is shared between two people? I must be somewhat of a romantic after all….
As I was hiking with my kids, I reflected on my mother and father. They had a wonderful marriage. They did everything together from shopping to just watching a movie. They were truly “soul mates”. I often think of the look he would give her. It was the look that a man gives a woman the first time he sees her and realizes how beautiful she is. He never stopped giving her that look. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. It is odd, but I think I yearn to find that someone special that looks at me every time like it is the first time. I yearn for someone who wants to participate in every activity with me and enjoys my company (even if it is just to a local grocery store). My dad died young (47) and my mother never veered her eyes towards any other man. I often wondered why, but now I know. She had her “soul mate” and that can’t be replaced
I continued down the trail and looked forward at my children. I realized at that moment that I can’t give up. Every step I make is not just about me. It also includes them. My purpose in life is to teach them and guide them. I want them to know what a “good” relationship looks like. . After all we have been through; I want them to know that love can be a wonderful experience with the right person. I want them to see the same look that I witnessed being shared between my parents and quite honestly; I want to experience it!
So in Keeping it REAL, there is a chance that you/I may live a life of solitude…but don’t put your blinders on just yet…We both might just get a glimpse of what true happiness can bring! Happy Monday!
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