That Stupid Anniversary Date…

So have had lots of mixed feelings over the last few days… Thinking about that dreaded day..the day that I married my ex.  Well, it is today and it is glaring me in the face.  I didn’t really think it would bother me to pass the day over, as just another day; but it did.  I kept trying to snap out of it and struggled to fight the nauseating feeling in my stomach.   I spent the morning shopping with my mother and kids and then found myself back at home.  Then my sister called..

At the last minute, I found myself pawning off my kids to my sister and turning the cheek to life as I know it.  I just couldn’t face another typical day for this one.  I didn’t know why, but I wanted life as I knew it to stop and let me breath…

I spent the evening with a good friend and we soon found ourselves talking about the “gut” feeling.  I then finally figured it out.  Why was I so bothered by all of this?  After all, I didn’t want “him” back. I didn’t want the life I had before either. So, why did I feel that gut wrenching pain and that desire to hide?

I now know.  I realized that it was because I failed.  I have never really failed at life or any aspect of it. 

Successful job…Check

Kids…Check

House…Check

Friends...Check

I had succeeded in finding all those things and I worked hard to accomplish them.  However, when it came to marriage, I FAILED.  That’s right…..I FAILED.  I can’t say it is all my fault but I will say that I chose the wrong person at the wrong time and I let it tumble into a nightmare.

I feel better in knowing why I was feeling the way I did over the last 24hours.  Believe me, it didn’t make it better, but it did make it easier to digest.  I realize the day will never be an average day. I realize that there are many things that have come from that decision that I made in 1999.  I realize that without that relationship, I would not have the two most stubborn, loud, crazy, fun, and unconditionally loving children that I could have ever prayed for! 

So in Keeping it REAL, it is normal to feel a moment of “loss” on that dreaded anniversary date.  It is also acceptable to feel that moment of “failure”.  We all need a “moment” but what is most important is how we handle the “moments” that follow….  Live life my friends…never turn back….never accept failure without a lesson learned… accept that CHANGE is coming…and REMEMBER it only gets better from here!!!!