The weather was hot, but it didn’t stop our family from having a great time. Friday night involved hanging out for dinner with some good friends and watching the taping of a local commercial. Although it was hot, it didn’t stop us from eating Mexican good and relaxing outside. Once we got home, we spent time in the pool and off to bed we went with the thoughts of many activities planned for Saturday. Saturday I was lucky enough to have a few hours to myself and enjoyed both some alone time and a lunch date that helped in making the day move quickly. Other than the Saturday activities, we just spent time in the pool and watching movies. There was just one lingering thought on my mind throughout the weekend….
As many may know, I am lucky to have my mother to watch my children when I work. Since both children are now in school, she spends her time alone “fixing” up things around my house. This week she undertook the task of rearranging and cleaning my daughter’s room. My mother said the look on my daughters face when she saw it was “priceless”. Who would have thought that this undertaking would push my daughter to the next level of “growing up”?
When their father and I separated, I soon found myself encouraging my children to sleep with me. I am not sure if it was me trying to keep them safe or trying to keep myself safe. I knew at the time that this was not healthy for them and long term would only make me more dependent on the situation.
When my son turned 9, I decided it was time to help him grow up. I encouraged him to start sleeping in his own room and the transition was easy. I, of course; did not encourage my daughter because I wasn’t ready to let go. After all a king size bed can get pretty lonely.
So here we are 2 years later and she is ready. UGH! We talked about it over the weekend and decided that Sunday night would be the night. I put fresh sheets on her bed and prepared all of her stuffed animal creatures to sleep with her. The entire time, she was watching and I could see the excitement in her face to make the move. I, on the other hand; felt this sharp pain and sadness in seeing her begin to separate herself from me. I tried not to let it show and kept telling her how proud I was of her.
Sunday night finally arrived and she was all excited! I tucked my son into bed and gave him a goodnight kiss and worked my way to my daughter’s room. Still feeling the “aloneness” in my heart, I encouraged her to get into bed, tucked the sheets around her, and gave her a hug and kiss goodnight. She quickly turned over to face the other direction and said “good night mommy, I love you”. I realized at that moment that she is so much like me.
I remember the first day of College and my parents were dropping me off. I remember the moment that my mom and dad said “goodbye”. I made the exact same move that my daughter just did. I turned the other direction and said “goodbye”. I knew that if I looked back, I would want to go home. I knew that this step was huge for the girl who grew up in a small town. I was scared to be on my own, but knew that I wanted to be successful in life. It was the time of “letting go” for me and my parents. I now wonder if my mother and father felt that same “tug at the heart” that I feel today. I wonder how they felt on that long drive back to an empty home. I always assumed they did the celebratory dance, but now I realize that they too must have felt this “jab” that hits with every milestone in a child’s life. As I stood and watched my daughter for a moment, I thought of that day in College (although much greater in scale) and I knew I needed to walk out of the room. I knew I needed to let go of my “little snuggle bug”.
I worked my way back to my bedroom and put a movie in the DVR. I knew it was going to be a long and lonely night, so I figured why not watch a little rated “R”. I watched the movie and then went back one last time to check on her. She was fast asleep and still snuggling her “stuffed animal”. Her back was to me and I realized…She is stronger and braver then I thought. I sat by her bed and watched her and thought of all the “life experiences” that she will have, whether it is her first sleep over, first date, or that first day of college; she will turn her back (just like she did tonight) and I will “let go” so she can become independent.
So in Keeping it REAL, I am very proud of my little girl! It has been so easy watching her grow from that preemie in the hospital to the tall adorable 6 year old. The hard part has always been “letting” her grow in her actions. I still see that little baby that was totally dependent on me for everything. I still want to hold her, feed her, and protect her. Although, I am sure it will get harder; today was a mile stone. I think we both “grew” tonight. So my advice for today…. Let them “GROW”… yes, it is lonely in the king size bed but it is the sacrifice you must make to teach them about loving “me”. Happy Monday!
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