She has the FEVER and I have the GUILT…

So after our wonderful weekend, my daughter decided to come down with a fever Tuesday night.  I spent the last two nights watching over her and feeding her Motrin to keep her comfortable.  The doctor changed her antibiotic and was hoping that it is just the ongoing sinus infection that she has been fighting.  I, of course; sit back and think, analyze, and wonder when she will feel better.. UGH

As I left the house this morning, she gave me the teary look and begged me to stay home.  I wish I could but there is something called a “paycheck” that needs to be gathered every two weeks.  So, I hugged her and told her I would be home as soon as I could and off I went on my 1hr journey to work. 

As I drove into work, I thought of her and wished that I could be with her to make her feel better. I am very blessed that I have my mother to care for her and I know that she is the second best to mom, but it doesn’t make it easier.   I often wonder how mothers handle this when they don’t have a spouse or relative to help or “jump” in.  I can only imagine the impact it would have on their career and the stress that is involved knowing that your child is sick and you can’t be there.

I also wonder what my daughter is thinking.  Does she feel anger that I had to leave? Does she feel rejected or ignored?  Will this be one of those stories that she will discuss in counseling?  You know the counseling session that starts out with “we spend our entire lives overcoming our childhood”.  I guess only time will tell how she is impacted by my “career” and her “childhood”.

So here I sat trying to complete my presentation while wondering if she is doing well.  I finally give in and picked up the phone and called.  Her little voice answers and she says “hi mommie”.  I could hear the weakness in her voice and it broke me.  Then she said it!  “Mommie, I love you. Have a good day at work”.  I realized at the second that she just had a “moment” this morning (just like her mother). She was completely fine.  I told her I loved her and to try and have a good day.  She hung up and I am now focused on the task that needs to be completed before today’s meeting… 

So in Keeping it REAL…  It will always be a struggle to balance a career and being a mother.  I have always said I am a mother first.  However, in being a mother; you must always remember that a mother is a provider.  In order to provide, you must find a comfortable balance between work and family.  I know that today was hard for both of us, but in the end…I can only hope that she will appreciate my dedication to providing her with all of life’s necessities (and then some).  Friday…please hurry up and get here! I wanna go cuddle with my little princess……