Last night was another sleepless night. I constantly battle the method of discipline (or lack thereof) in my home. I don’t want to “bully” my kids but I also realize there comes a time when you have to be a parent and last night was one of them.
I got home in time to hear the kids frantically asking to go outside to the neighbor’s house. I quickly ate and off we went. What I didn’t expect was what came next. My neighbors have a family of rabbits and I am always concerned that my son will have an asthma attack from the hay etc. I quietly said “please don’t go in there, I don’t want you to be exposed to any more allergens”. He didn’t hear me but his sister did. She went in saying “get out of there”. The next thing I know they are both punching and hitting each other. I stop the fight and say “get to the house”. Now we all know that kids of divorce like to pull out the trump card every once in awhile and they BOTH decided to do it on the way home. My daughter says “I hate living here with you” and my son says “you are the worst mother ever”. I say nothing.. We get in the house and I start their baths. As they are getting clean, I walk into each bathroom and let them know what they are losing… YUP, I finally did it! I took away the activities they were so looking forward too. When they were done bathing, I sent them both to bed at 6:30. They went with a few tears but they were speechless.
Now, why is this not normal practice in my home? I have spent the last year trying to brush things off because of the guilt I have had over the divorce. All of my friends keep reminding me..”You are their mother not their friend”. I have ignored the hitting and outbursts and chalked them up as reactions to the change in their surroundings. However, last night I realized that I needed to take control. I realized that for their sake, I needed to be “mom” and not “friend”.
It was a hard lesson for all of us. I paced the floor all night questioning if my approach was a good one. Should I have had a longer discussion with them before they went to bed? Could I have handled it differently? Was I too hard on them? I finally fell asleep at 3AM!
This morning when they got up for school, I realized that I handled it perfectly! My son got up first and said “I don’t want to ever go to bed at 6AM again”. I reinforced with…learn from this and it may never happen again. My daughter woke up saying “I am sorry and that she would try harder”…. I hugged them both and had the conversation with them about why it happened, what they need to do to earn back their privileges, and finally that I love them! I now know that I am doing the right thing! I am hurting them more by not setting ground rules. It is not about them fearing me..it is about them respecting me!
So in Keeping it REAL, it is hard to draw the line between mother and friend…but you MUST do it! You must be a mother and NOT a friend. It doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with them, but they must always know that you are the responsible one and the decision maker. I am sure there will be many more instances..I must just stay STRONG and CONSISTENT… After all, I want the best for them. They just don’t realize yet that being the best comes from having a good parent… Happy Tuesday and Hope today is better than yesterday!!!
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